Monthly Archives: February 2012

Aside

I was not born graceful.  I had permanent iodine marks on my knees and elbows my entire childhood. As I got older, I realized that I was not a klutz as I was lead to believe but a very sensitive human who could feel the earth’s rotations and it would send me on a cosmic journey which always resulted in a crash landing.  This is a record of some of my more memorable flights!

        Star date:  1950’s

Setting:  Any playground

See Robyn run.  See Robyn trip.  See Robyn fly thru the air.  See Robyn fall.  See Robyn see blood. Hear Robyn scream.

Star date:  1972

Setting:  Glass Block Dept. store stairs leading to basement.

My good friend and I were all decked out in the latest fashion.  Maxi coat, chunky heeled boots, large floppy hats and big hippie chick earring.  Man, did we think we were cool.  We were walking down the stairs when all of a sudden my heel got caught in the hem of my Maxi coat and I was airborne.  There was nothing between me and the landing except an elderly woman.  I must have decided that landing on her was going to be softer than landing on the linoleum as I found myself laying on top of her while she was screaming “Get off of me. Get off of me.”  I must admit it is pretty hard to be cool after you have taken out an elderly person….even in a Maxi coat, chunky heeled boots, large floppy hat and big hippie chick earrings.

Star date:  1973

Setting:  New stairwell in Morgan Park HS

After some classmates decided to try to burn the school down, a new wing was added and the stairs leading down from the second floor to the first had these tread that were gritty and my dear friend (yes the same one as above) had a unnatural fear of falling down them and losing her teeth.  You must remember this was the 70’s and we had all smoked the “demon weed” at one time or another and some of us were left with some odd flashbacks.  One fine day, we were going down those stairs, when I must have stepped on a piece of grit and it threw my balance off because before I knew what was happening I was bodysurfing on the back of my good friend and we were headed for a hard, dry landing.  Were we alone in this death-defying action?  Oh no.  It was crowded with other students who somehow had managed to escape the deadly grit.  When my good friend would talk to me again, I asked her what she was thinking as we flew past the other students.  “My teeth”.  “All I could think of was losing my teeth”!   I don’t think she ever took that stairwell again….at least not with me behind her.

Star date:  1975

Setting:  Top of stairs in first apartment leading to outside door

This was my first actual “date” with my first local rockstar crush.  I had to look hot.  I had to stand out from the rest of his groupies.  I had to be special.  Short dress…check.   Sexy platform sandals…check.   Control-top pantyhose…check (afterall, this was my first date!)  Lookin’ good.  Ready to get down, get funky.   Rockstar shows up.  Appreciates what he sees.  Off we go.   Well, actually I was the only one going.  Going down.  Down the stairs.  Tumblin’ down.  All 16 steps.  Had wanted to stand out.  Had wanted to be special.   Mission accomplished.

Star date:  1975

Setting:  Back door of Upper Deck bar/dance hall

After romance with Rockstar took a nose dive, I met Mr. Class from Anoka.  Refined, good looking, gentlemanly, wealthy parents.  A real catch, if you know what I mean.  First date and I wanted to impress him and show him that I was a real lady, worthy of a man of his caliber.  Dressed conservatively.  Mauve corduroy bell bottom pants.  Matching turtleneck sweater.  Mom’s mauve coat with real wolf fur trim.  I was up to my eyeballs in ladylike mauve.  Took me dancing.  Had only half glass of wine.  Didn’t want him to think me a lush.  As we were exiting, my toe caught the lip of the threshold and out the door I flew.  I landed on all fours in the slush.  In the alley.  A woman walking in said in a loud voice, “Look how drunk she is.  She can’t even stand up”.    And you are wondering, dear reader, what happened to Mr. Class?  He ended up with a classmate of mine, who really was a lady…..who never in her life wore mauve.

TO BE CONTINUED…………….

LEGENDS OF MY FALLS PART 1

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A Welcome From The Queen

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Welcome to my blog.  I have no idea what I am doing so please bear with me as I fumble my way into cyberspace.  My purpose in this blog is to entertain you with my humorous outlook on life.  Laughter is as important as air to me and I hope you will take “deep breaths” and enjoy your visit.   My posts will usually be random rantings about my life and what is going on in the world.  I would love if you would leave comments even if you disagree or take issue with something I have written!