WHEN DEATH COMES A’CALLIN

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Why is it that even tho we all know we are going to die someday, it always strikes us as a shock when someone dies?  Even when someone is terminally ill (aren’t we all “terminal”?), we are surprised when they finally do die.  And when someone dies unexpectedly, don’t we always say, “Oh, they went too soon”.  Don’t most of us feel that no matter when we die, it’s gonna be TOO SOON?   I don’t fear death, I fear dying by choking on some kind of food like Mama Cass.  No matter you do in this world, if you die a freakish death, that is what folks are gonna remember you by.  I swear I can’t eat a ham sandwich without breaking out in the sweats.  Another fear is to die in the shower/tub.  Dear Lord, please let me have clothes on when I die. My neighbor is a first responder and I don’t want good ol Carl to see me in my birthday suit.  I don’t even look at me in my birthday suit.  And my bathroom is super tiny (the handicapped stall in our church bathroom is bigger than my whole bathroom).  How on earth are two men gonna haul my big ol slippery butt out of that tub?  Will it be on YouTube?   Will some one add that song about liking big butts and they’ll make me go in and out of the tub?  I worry about these things.  Global warming?  Iran nuking us?  Gas prices up to heaven only knows what?  These things don’t cause me a moment of worry.  Ham sandwiches and tubs keep me awake all night…..

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One response »

  1. I heard someone say, “Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.”
    I vote for going peacefully in my sleep after a really good hair day and before I’ve had enough time to toss and turn to mess it up.

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