If you aren’t experiencing the joys of hot flashes then this blog isn’t going to interest you.  It’s like someone trying to explain being pregnant.  If you ain’t then there isn’t anyway you can relate.   And if you are in perimenopause (or as those of us who have misplaced our minds like to call it-mentalpause) you may not wish to read what you are in for.  Live in denial as long as you can.  Enjoy your sweat-free living cause honey, once you hit Hot Flash Hell you ain’t gonna have a stain-free shirt to your name.  And sweaters?  Wear em if ya got em cause just looking at them in a catalog is enough to start a tsunami of sweat just a’rollin down your back.

When I was young and foolish, I remember hearing older women talk about the horrors of hot flashes and sudden mustache growth and I would always think that they would never happen to me.   I would read up on it and take it in stride and it would be no big deal.  Oh, the innocence of youth.  I was in my early fifties and thought that I had escaped Hot Flash Hell when one day I felt this sudden “heat” overtake my head and I could literally feel water squirt out of the pores on my scalp!  Within three seconds water was running down the sides of my face….it was like my scalp just peed.  The heat was unbelievable.  It was unlike anything I had ever experienced.   Thankfully it only lasted 20 seconds or so but I knew I had just had an encounter with the demon flash.  From then on, I never knew when I would become possessed and would evolve into a human fire hydrant.   Clothing with sleeves became my enemy.  I was therefore stuck between a rock and a hard spot as my upper arms had taken the shape of wings and I needed sleeves to tuck the excess skin into.  It became a battle between vanity and sanity.  I now have a whole wardrobe of sleeveless shirts and have perfected life with arms glued to my sides.    To make matters even worse, my job takes me into high rise apartments of the elderly where the average temperature year round is 86.   And they like to keep their windows shut to keep out the drafts.  (At what age do we lose our body heat  and have to have the furnace running in the middle of summer?)

I am one of the lucky ones as I don’t have them too many times during the day and the ones at night usually are around my neck and chest.  Tho there have been times that I have leapt out of bed sure that this time the dream of having to find a bathroom  was all too real only to realize that I had had night sweats.  Whew…dodged that Depends bullet for now.    I think the only difference between night sweats and hot flashes is the inner heat.   With night sweats you might wake up wet but cold.  Either way a full night’s sleep without heat and water and arm/hand numbness and snoring so loud you wake yourself up, is just a dream in itself.  No wonder the elderly tell you they only sleep a few hours a night….their bodies are too dang active breaking down!!


About thelumberjackandthegypsy

The lumberjack is my husband and he owns Arrowhead Wood Products; Arrowhead Toboggan and Snowshoe; and Lake Superior Furniture Co. and is the exclusive manufacturer of wood shutters for Summit Hill Shutter Co. The gypsy is me, and I have a passion for teaching people to tap into their creative side, even when they think they don't have one! I did not grow up creative or artsy and I was in my thirties before I started sewing and creating things. I am a rug hooker; artisan teddy bear maker; painter (from pictures to large pieces of furniture!); knitter; doll maker; needle-felter, repurposer; sewer; decorator; blogger; glamper; reader; vintage jewelry maker; junker; and now a shop owner. But the lumberjack and I feel our greatest gifts in this world are our four grandkids and our daughter and her husband and our relationship with Jesus Christ. We have been married for more than 33 years and most of that time we have lived out in the country on a hobby farm where we have raised chickens, turkeys, ducks, goats, pigs and beef cattle. We also homeschooled our only child for her entire school years. We lived out our dream of being like the The Little House on the Prairie and they were great times. I also have a personal blog: where I tell stories of what life on the farm has been like and other things that pop up in my very weird mind. I prefer "quirky or eccentric" instead of weird (sounds more fascinating and less creepy)!

One response »

  1. My sweatband was my best friend while working in those tropical apartments in the dead of winter. I had to be sure to remove it before I left the building otherwise it would freeze to my head. Great memories though!

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