BLUE CHRISTMAS

Standard

Here it is, Christmas eve and for the first time ever I am not with my family. I had to work tonight so I am sitting on my blow-up bed in a livingroom without a single Christmas decoration.  No Christmas music playing softly in the background, no snow falling, no nuthin’.

Is this what happens when we get older, we lose the joy of the Holiday spirit?  Or when you have no one to celebrate with, do you think, “Why bother?”   Or do you suppose some folks just never really enjoyed this time of year?

Tonight while I am waiting for sleep to come, I will revisit past Christmas’s.  Once again I will be in the company of those who I have loved who have left this earth for places unknown.  I will feel my grandmother’s love, see my sweet great aunt sitting quietly but happy just to be around family, I will see cousins and aunts and uncles many whom I have no seen in decades. We will all be gathered together, unaware of the losses to come, enjoying the day.  I will try not to think of the pain that often accompanied those gatherings.  I will push back those memories to the place where I try to keep them hidden.  I’m sure many of you know those demons, too. Yes, tonight there will some silent tears shed.  Tears for those who made my Holidays great and tears for those who had demons of their own.

But tomorrow will be different.  I will be with those who mean the most to me and there will only be happiness.  New memories to be made without any demons.  There will be no pain that walks hand-in-hand with this happiness.  There will be music and decorations and maybe even a bit of snow.  I am so grateful for these tomorrows.

Advertisements

About thelumberjackandthegypsy

The lumberjack is my husband and he owns Arrowhead Wood Products; Arrowhead Toboggan and Snowshoe; and Lake Superior Furniture Co. and is the exclusive manufacturer of wood shutters for Summit Hill Shutter Co. The gypsy is me, and I have a passion for teaching people to tap into their creative side, even when they think they don't have one! I did not grow up creative or artsy and I was in my thirties before I started sewing and creating things. I am a rug hooker; artisan teddy bear maker; painter (from pictures to large pieces of furniture!); knitter; doll maker; needle-felter, repurposer; sewer; decorator; blogger; glamper; reader; vintage jewelry maker; junker; and now a shop owner. But the lumberjack and I feel our greatest gifts in this world are our four grandkids and our daughter and her husband and our relationship with Jesus Christ. We have been married for more than 33 years and most of that time we have lived out in the country on a hobby farm where we have raised chickens, turkeys, ducks, goats, pigs and beef cattle. We also homeschooled our only child for her entire school years. We lived out our dream of being like the The Little House on the Prairie and they were great times. I also have a personal blog: rantingsofamadqueen.wordpress.com where I tell stories of what life on the farm has been like and other things that pop up in my very weird mind. I prefer "quirky or eccentric" instead of weird (sounds more fascinating and less creepy)!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s