Here it is, Christmas eve and for the first time ever I am not with my family. I had to work tonight so I am sitting on my blow-up bed in a livingroom without a single Christmas decoration. No Christmas music playing softly in the background, no snow falling, no nuthin’.
Is this what happens when we get older, we lose the joy of the Holiday spirit? Or when you have no one to celebrate with, do you think, “Why bother?” Or do you suppose some folks just never really enjoyed this time of year?
Tonight while I am waiting for sleep to come, I will revisit past Christmas’s. Once again I will be in the company of those who I have loved who have left this earth for places unknown. I will feel my grandmother’s love, see my sweet great aunt sitting quietly but happy just to be around family, I will see cousins and aunts and uncles many whom I have no seen in decades. We will all be gathered together, unaware of the losses to come, enjoying the day. I will try not to think of the pain that often accompanied those gatherings. I will push back those memories to the place where I try to keep them hidden. I’m sure many of you know those demons, too. Yes, tonight there will some silent tears shed. Tears for those who made my Holidays great and tears for those who had demons of their own.
But tomorrow will be different. I will be with those who mean the most to me and there will only be happiness. New memories to be made without any demons. There will be no pain that walks hand-in-hand with this happiness. There will be music and decorations and maybe even a bit of snow. I am so grateful for these tomorrows.