SEND IN THE CLOWNS…DON’T BOTHER I’M HERE

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Since I often color my hair in unusual colors, colors that are not found in the mainstream hairdye section, I forget that I don’t look “normal”.   People often look at me with wonder in their eyes or even suspicion and I look back at them with a “What?” look and then I remember how I must appear to them !  It’s really funny when I am on an elevator and someone goes to get on with me.  I can see their hesitation and so I smile most charmingly so as to alleviate their fear that I am some psycho woman.  (No comments from my family, please.)  Right now my hair is half orange/red/blonde and it does look like that lunatic’s hair that killed all those people in the movie theater .  But come on people, how many mass murders are older, fat, out of shape, women?  I am only a threat if I lose my balance and fall on you….then you are in for a world of hurt.  And if you have read some of my other posts, you know that it could happen so if you happen to run into me, you better stand a few feet away!  But other than that, I’m totally harmless.

Men seem to like my hair more than women.  I often get young men who will comment favorably on my hair which always shocks me.  Women my age are the ones who look at me with the most disdain.  My dear mother would tell me it’s because they are “jealous” but somehow I don’t think that is it.  And anyone who thinks I dye my hair to try to look younger is so mistaken.  I would wear a pin on my chest stating how old I am since I could give a rat’s rump if you think 58 is old.  I color my hair because it pleases me to be colorful.   If I were thinner, I would cut my hair down to the nub and have my artistic daughter paint designs on my head with hair dye.  But at the size I am now, I’d look like some bizarre, upside-down, walking light bulb.   And if I continue to get those awful brown spots on my face, I may start to tattoo them.  If you’re gonna have spots on your face you might as well make them fun.  (On that note, I’m afraid to buy my grandson a Dot to Dot book as he may try to connect all my “dots”).

There is a wonderful blog called, “Advanced Style” (advancedstyle.blogspot.com) that has all these really funky\classy old broads that are on the streets of New York that this young man photographs.  These ladies are my heroes.  Next time you have an hour to kill, go to this blog and look at all the posts.  You will find ladies there that make me look conservative.  I would so fit in.   It’s almost like my dream peeps from Hunger Games.  I am so liking the blue hair of the show’s host played by Stanley Tucci.  I might just have to by that movie so I can watch all those people again.  Visual lust.  Color lust.   Gotta have color (conversely, I wear mostly black clothing….go figure!)

I did try to add some photos of my latest hair coloration but I am just too dumb to figure out how in Hades to do it.  Must be all those years of hair dyeing.  The chemicals have pickled my brain.  (Wouldn’t it be a scream if I ever had brain surgery and when they opened up my skull, my brain was colored!!!)  So if you want to see how I look now, check out my wall on Face Book.  I think I added some on there.

All this talk about hair dye makes me want to buy some more so I will sign off now to go and do some internet shopping on Idyemyhair.com

And if anyone wants to know how to add fun colors to your hair, just ask.  I have found a  product and a super easy way to do it (and CHEAP).

Yours to dye for,

The Queen

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