Monthly Archives: July 2013

PART TWO OF HOW MOE CAN YOU GO?

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When we last left our heroine, she had just had her sister in law, cut her hair from ear tip to ear tip with giant Fisker fabric shears and as the previous photo showed, it was kinda cute from the front.  Notice I said, FROM THE FRONT..

Before I show you the photo that shows the back of my head, I must set up the scene.  As I had said, the cut was perfect from the ears up but the nape of the neck looked nothing like Demi’s.  And since this was in the days before I had gotten my magic hair buzzer, I wondered what we could use to give it a “close to the head” cut.  Then I had an “AHA” moment….(this was way before Oprah came up with the catch phrase).  We could use my husband’s sideburn trimmer on his electric shaver.  My sister in law was not quite as enthusiastic as I was about this process but to keep peace (she was after all, staying at my house) she gingerly took the shaver and began to do her best at shaping my nape.  After what seemed like an eternity to me, she pronounced the deed done and gave me a look that shouted, “Don’t blame me, you asked for it”!   I ran for the bathroom to gaze adoringly at my new Demi look but what I saw was a roaring case of mange.  There were little bald spots all over the lower back of my head.  It looked like I had had chemo and my hair was falling out in clumps.  Now any sane person would have admitted defeat and quickly called their hairdresser for the first appointment possible but hey, this is me.  I have yet to decide if I am just stupid or extremely bullheaded (or in this case….bowl-headed) but I said, “Well, we can’t leave it like this, so just shave the rest off.”   As usual, I didn’t quite think this action thru.  I was thinking super short so the bald spots wouldn’t be so noticeable.  The fact of the matter is that when you use the sideburns attachment it has no hair guard so what you get is a “baby-bottom” smooth shave.   I must say, when I looked in the mirror and saw this, I was taken aback….image  Not the look I was going for unless it had been Moe from the Three Stooges.  And you must remember this was the mid 90’s and this was not a fashion trend.  Today I would have just painted a cool design on the bald spot (okay, truth….I would have had someone else paint it as I can’t do a thing to the back of my hair as I can’t “mirror-image”….you should see me back up a car…..oy vey).

My wonderful husband has been so used to leaving the house with me one color and him coming home 8 hours later and I’m totally different that I didn’t think this would phase him.  But that night when he came home,  I was to learn just how far I could go without him reacting negatively.  All was good until I turned and showed him the back.  Dead silence.  Then, “Robyn, that’s not funny” in an angry tone.  No matter how I tried to explain to him that this was a look that I, too, was not thrilled about, he couldn’t be cajoled out of his not happy mood.  My poor sister in law took flight in her camper in a hurry, hoping he wouldn’t blame her for any of this.  Needless to say, one of us slept on the couch that night.  But what a great story, eh?

HOW MOE CAN YOU GO???

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This is photo #53 in my quest to show you a different hair color/style on everyday between Memorial Day and Labor Day.  This one is from the mid 1990’s soon after the movie, “Ghost” came out.  I had loved Demi Moore’s hair in that movie so I got it into my head that I could do it myself.  We all know how that turns out for me, right?

My sister-in-law was visiting me when I got this wild idea and she just happened to be cutting some fabric with these really long Fisker shears and I had just dyed my hair black (as per Demi) and I said to her, “Hey, would you cut my hair?”.  She looked at me like I was nuts, but by that time I had already been in the family a good ten years so it was kinda a redundant look.  She wisely pointed out that she did not know how to cut hair.  Well, heck, when has something so trivial like that stopped me?  “Just cut it with those hedge clippers you are using, from the tip of my ear to the other tip of my ear” and like any good sister in law, she did what the crazy relative asked.  And it turned out exactly as I had hoped.  Almost.

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THE ROAD TO GLAMPERVILLE IS FRAUGHT WITH DANGER

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So it’s been a couple of weeks since I got my sweet little camper.  We have discovered that she needs more work than we thought.  We (don’t you love how I say “we”, when everyone knows I don’t do a darn thing) took out the couch/bed frame and found she has some floor rot and a big cancer hole in her back wall and no electrical wire to the outside.  The man who sold her was so surprised to learn that the big wire was gone…someone must have stolen it….ya….sure.  The ceiling is all coming down, thought we could just replace part of it.  But eventho she is in need of more TLC (aren’t we all?) than at first glance, I still love her and can’t wait to fix her up. With that said, I have had no problems buying stuff to decorate her with.  Ya, I know, cart before the horse….blah, blah, blah.   What if we have a sudden burst of energy and go at her in a mad flurry and she gets all fixed up and has nothing to wear?  How could I do that to her?  Well, you can rest easy cause I have been working my fingers to the bone on ebay, outbidding everyone on some cool stuff.

imageI bought an awesome 50’s turquoise lamp that has that metal tiered shade and the base is a telephone with a clock and the handpiece is a lighter….how stinkin’ cool is that?

image And I got a tiny plastic TV that you put a photo in the screen….got to have my grands with me, right?

And I have two yards of vintage barkcloth material in the washer as we speak.  And a set of multi-colored chalkware fish from the 60’s and another 2.72 yards of new retro barkcloth material coming (these last two items might be for the next camper I buy as they won’t really go into my “theme” of this camper but I was lured by their colors and had to get them!  I know, I know…it’s a sickness.)  And I think I have something else coming but for the life of me, I can’t remember….but it will be retro, I’m sure!

So, besides spending the money I should be saving for the repairs, I bought a set of six wild colored flamingos.  I should have suspected something was amiss when the box they came in was labeled, “Plastic Livestock”.  image At first they looked harmless enough.  But come the next morning, all hell broke loose as they escaped their box and began the endless reign of terror.imageAt first, I had thought they must have gotten outside but I looked everywhere for them but could not find them  Later, tho, I began to get the eerie feeling I was being watched.image I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was like there were eyes watching me.  The feeling got even stronger when I went into my bathroom.image It freaked me out so much, that feeling that someone or something is silently,  stalking you that I had to go to bed.  I had awful nightmares about flamingos invading my home.image I even had to get up and go into the closet and turn on the lights to see if there was anything in there.  I felt like one of those dumb women in the horror flicks that go places where the audience knows there is something horrid lurking.  But I didn’t see anything…(do you?)image What was really frightening was when I went outside the next morning, I found all these brightly colored piles of what I can only call “poop” at each one of my windows laying in the grass.  I picked up a pile to see if I could tell what it was and I took a photo in case I needed some kind of evidence.image  I don’t mind telling you that by now, I am really scared.   All that day, I was hyper aware of my surroundings.  I would jump at the slightest sounds.  Even Madd Maxx would look into thin air and make low growling sounds.  When I went to bed that night, I made sure that all the windows were locked and I even locked my bedroom door after checking under the bed (nothing could live under there….they would sufficate in all the dust) and in the closet.  I slept fitfully that night….I kept thinking I could hear odd breathing sounds.  Imagine my horror when I awoke in the morning and rolled over to see if Scott had come home from work.image  My worst nightmare had come true!!!  I screamed and ran out of the bedroom and locked myself in the bathroom.   After what seemed like hours, I cautiously came out of the bathroom and peeked into my bedroom.  Nothing was there.  Had it just been one of those really real nightmares?  I looked all over the house and still found nothing.  By now, I am really starting to wonder if I am losing what little I have left of my mind.   I was out in my front porch and I found a scrap of paper and it had the words, “bewar of big brds” scratched on it in some kind of pink liquid.  Now what?  I was soon to find out.

I was eating lunch when I heard this awful screeching coming from my garden.  I thought something had been attacked by a dog or something.  Oh, if only it were that humane…..this is what I encountered.image  The note I had gotten had come from my pet pink flamingos and the gang of wild plastic livestock had found out and had killed the snitches!  A cold chill ran down my spine and all I could think of was the ending of the Sorpranos.  I fainted dead away.

This my friends is the life I am leading now.  Who knew what terrible trials would be fall me as I innocently bought that first camper.  If only I had known….if only.