ONE SIZE FITS ALL AND OTHER LIES

Standard

Image

 

Now I ask you, does this woman need a body shaper?  No, of course not.  I want to see how a big gal like me is going to look in one of these.  Not that anyone would see me in it… I would even close my eyes putting it on, but I want to see where all my fat is going to go.  I mean, come on, it’s gotta go somewhere!  The gizmo on the left would push all my upper body flab up under my “lady lumps”.  Do I really want a quadruple boob?  And all the flab below is gonna come squishing out the leg openings.  I would look like I had round innertubes above my knees.  And what about the gal on the right?  You see that little gap between the top and the bottom…notice not a ounce of overhang.  I would have an overhang that would shade my feet so they never would see the light of day.  People let’s get real.  Big gals need special shapers…no Spanx for us…we need a full body corset.  From ankle to neck and 3/4 length sleeves.  Call it the Flabinator.  You’d put it on like an overcoat and lace it up with industrial strength cords.  None of this trying to pull them up from the bottom.  By the time I get them up to my knees, I am covered in sweat, panting and saying words that cause my salvation to be in  question.  And don’t even get me started on bras that you have to pull over your head!  Seriously?  If I was that in shape I wouldn’t need shapewear to begin with.  So until the Flabinator comes on the market, I’ll be hanging free and loose and saving my money, thank you very much. 

Advertisements

About thelumberjackandthegypsy

The lumberjack is my husband and he owns Arrowhead Wood Products; Arrowhead Toboggan and Snowshoe; and Lake Superior Furniture Co. and is the exclusive manufacturer of wood shutters for Summit Hill Shutter Co. The gypsy is me, and I have a passion for teaching people to tap into their creative side, even when they think they don't have one! I did not grow up creative or artsy and I was in my thirties before I started sewing and creating things. I am a rug hooker; artisan teddy bear maker; painter (from pictures to large pieces of furniture!); knitter; doll maker; needle-felter, repurposer; sewer; decorator; blogger; glamper; reader; vintage jewelry maker; junker; and now a shop owner. But the lumberjack and I feel our greatest gifts in this world are our four grandkids and our daughter and her husband and our relationship with Jesus Christ. We have been married for more than 33 years and most of that time we have lived out in the country on a hobby farm where we have raised chickens, turkeys, ducks, goats, pigs and beef cattle. We also homeschooled our only child for her entire school years. We lived out our dream of being like the The Little House on the Prairie and they were great times. I also have a personal blog: rantingsofamadqueen.wordpress.com where I tell stories of what life on the farm has been like and other things that pop up in my very weird mind. I prefer "quirky or eccentric" instead of weird (sounds more fascinating and less creepy)!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s