ONE SIZE FITS ALL AND OTHER LIES

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Now I ask you, does this woman need a body shaper?  No, of course not.  I want to see how a big gal like me is going to look in one of these.  Not that anyone would see me in it… I would even close my eyes putting it on, but I want to see where all my fat is going to go.  I mean, come on, it’s gotta go somewhere!  The gizmo on the left would push all my upper body flab up under my “lady lumps”.  Do I really want a quadruple boob?  And all the flab below is gonna come squishing out the leg openings.  I would look like I had round innertubes above my knees.  And what about the gal on the right?  You see that little gap between the top and the bottom…notice not a ounce of overhang.  I would have an overhang that would shade my feet so they never would see the light of day.  People let’s get real.  Big gals need special shapers…no Spanx for us…we need a full body corset.  From ankle to neck and 3/4 length sleeves.  Call it the Flabinator.  You’d put it on like an overcoat and lace it up with industrial strength cords.  None of this trying to pull them up from the bottom.  By the time I get them up to my knees, I am covered in sweat, panting and saying words that cause my salvation to be in  question.  And don’t even get me started on bras that you have to pull over your head!  Seriously?  If I was that in shape I wouldn’t need shapewear to begin with.  So until the Flabinator comes on the market, I’ll be hanging free and loose and saving my money, thank you very much. 

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