It’s been awhile now since I’ve had a fall worth writing about. I have had a few minor crashes since the Big Fall that started this whole blogging business in the first place. Nothing worth writing about, tho. Until last night………
When I go to work, I always bring a big tote to carry all my important stuff (food, books, iPad, phone, food, magazines, misc. crap, and did I mention food?). I work a 12 plus hour shift at night so I need a lot of stuff to keep me from dying of boredom (and apparently, hunger). So my tote is pretty hefty (as am I….see contents of tote). Add to that my purse which also has important stuff in it (wallet, checkbook, pens, makeup bag (at my age and condition I could use a duffel bag full of makeup and it still wouldn’t help), hankies, screwdriver with multi-heads, flashlights, gum, business cards (only have my blog site on them), two pair of glasses, rubber chicken coin purse (matches my rubber chicken purse….more on this in next blog), loose change, notebook, various loose coupons and receipts and my pill box (you know you are old when you have a pill box) and my keys. So now in addition to my ample girth, I am carrying another 12 pounds of stuff so when I get to moving, I am a force to be reckoned with. “A body in motion tends to stay in motion”, remember that law as it will be needed shortly.
My job is on the fourth floor of an apartment building and I have the option of either climbing the stairs (hoo-ha, I just kill myself with my sense of humor) or taking the elevator. Last night I chose the elevator. Could have been my last elevator ride ever. As usual as I begin the process of heaving my large-Marge body and my hand-held burdens into said elevator, I work up a bit of momentum which helps with the strain on my arms of holding on to my purse and tote but instead of a nice, smooth transition, I find myself momentarily airborne. Seems the elevator had a senior moment and didn’t stop directly at the first floor but instead decided to go a few inches above the floor. I, being the trusting soul that I am, assumed it was level (you know what they say about “assuming” don’t you….”it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”) and thrust my self forward only to be tripped by the floor of the elevator.
Now remember the law about a body in motion?
I crashed ito the far wall of the elevator, twisting my back in the process. I always wish I could see my expression when this kind of stuff happens. Actually I wish I could see it on video. At least then I could laugh and laugh, while sitting with the ice pack on the bruised parts and gobbling up pain killers! I am grateful tho, that the elevator was empty. Can you imagine the horror of someone in the elevator….the door opens and this large woman with yellow and aqua and orange polka-dotted hair in a long black cape carrying a rubber chicken and a wild colored large tote bag comes flying at you. It’s the stuff Stephen King writes about and we sleep with the lights on for weeks afterwards. I wonder if I could be tried for second-degree manslaughter for that if someone had a heart-attack and died? What if I had crashed into some elderly person with a walker and we both went down. They’d click on their Life Alert button and scream, “Help, I’ve fallen and there is a huge clown on top of me”….I bet they don’t get calls like that everyday, eh?
So here I sit, back still sore but with a great story to tell….hope you enjoyed it…now if you’ll excuse me, it’s time for another pain pill and a call to my company to fill out yet another accident report!