So it’s been a couple of weeks since I got my sweet little camper. We have discovered that she needs more work than we thought. We (don’t you love how I say “we”, when everyone knows I don’t do a darn thing) took out the couch/bed frame and found she has some floor rot and a big cancer hole in her back wall and no electrical wire to the outside. The man who sold her was so surprised to learn that the big wire was gone…someone must have stolen it….ya….sure. The ceiling is all coming down, thought we could just replace part of it. But eventho she is in need of more TLC (aren’t we all?) than at first glance, I still love her and can’t wait to fix her up. With that said, I have had no problems buying stuff to decorate her with. Ya, I know, cart before the horse….blah, blah, blah. What if we have a sudden burst of energy and go at her in a mad flurry and she gets all fixed up and has nothing to wear? How could I do that to her? Well, you can rest easy cause I have been working my fingers to the bone on ebay, outbidding everyone on some cool stuff.
And I have two yards of vintage barkcloth material in the washer as we speak. And a set of multi-colored chalkware fish from the 60’s and another 2.72 yards of new retro barkcloth material coming (these last two items might be for the next camper I buy as they won’t really go into my “theme” of this camper but I was lured by their colors and had to get them! I know, I know…it’s a sickness.) And I think I have something else coming but for the life of me, I can’t remember….but it will be retro, I’m sure!
So, besides spending the money I should be saving for the repairs, I bought a set of six wild colored flamingos. I should have suspected something was amiss when the box they came in was labeled, “Plastic Livestock”. At first they looked harmless enough. But come the next morning, all hell broke loose as they escaped their box and began the endless reign of terror.At first, I had thought they must have gotten outside but I looked everywhere for them but could not find them Later, tho, I began to get the eerie feeling I was being watched. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but it was like there were eyes watching me. The feeling got even stronger when I went into my bathroom. It freaked me out so much, that feeling that someone or something is silently, stalking you that I had to go to bed. I had awful nightmares about flamingos invading my home. I even had to get up and go into the closet and turn on the lights to see if there was anything in there. I felt like one of those dumb women in the horror flicks that go places where the audience knows there is something horrid lurking. But I didn’t see anything…(do you?) What was really frightening was when I went outside the next morning, I found all these brightly colored piles of what I can only call “poop” at each one of my windows laying in the grass. I picked up a pile to see if I could tell what it was and I took a photo in case I needed some kind of evidence. I don’t mind telling you that by now, I am really scared. All that day, I was hyper aware of my surroundings. I would jump at the slightest sounds. Even Madd Maxx would look into thin air and make low growling sounds. When I went to bed that night, I made sure that all the windows were locked and I even locked my bedroom door after checking under the bed (nothing could live under there….they would sufficate in all the dust) and in the closet. I slept fitfully that night….I kept thinking I could hear odd breathing sounds. Imagine my horror when I awoke in the morning and rolled over to see if Scott had come home from work. My worst nightmare had come true!!! I screamed and ran out of the bedroom and locked myself in the bathroom. After what seemed like hours, I cautiously came out of the bathroom and peeked into my bedroom. Nothing was there. Had it just been one of those really real nightmares? I looked all over the house and still found nothing. By now, I am really starting to wonder if I am losing what little I have left of my mind. I was out in my front porch and I found a scrap of paper and it had the words, “bewar of big brds” scratched on it in some kind of pink liquid. Now what? I was soon to find out.
I was eating lunch when I heard this awful screeching coming from my garden. I thought something had been attacked by a dog or something. Oh, if only it were that humane…..this is what I encountered. The note I had gotten had come from my pet pink flamingos and the gang of wild plastic livestock had found out and had killed the snitches! A cold chill ran down my spine and all I could think of was the ending of the Sorpranos. I fainted dead away.
This my friends is the life I am leading now. Who knew what terrible trials would be fall me as I innocently bought that first camper. If only I had known….if only.