WHEN TO THROW IN THE TOWEL

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I am at a crossroad in my life.

When do you give up your “dreams” and start to face real life?

As I sit surrounded by all forms of  craftsy clutter,  I am faced with a dilemma: I need to make the decision of what to do with all of it as it has gotten so out-of-hand.

Am I going to make mohair teddy bears anymore?  If not, do I make as many as I have the material for and then what will I do with the bears I have made?  These bears are not for children as the materials are uber expensive and they are not made in a child-safe manner.  The bottom has fallen out of the teddy bear market so to sell them on Ebay would not even cover the cost of making them, let alone give me anything for the 12 hours it takes to make one.

What about the miles and miles of wool I have that I bought for my Rug Hooking store I was going to have?  A lot of it is hand-dyed and gorgeous but I could hook rugs till I die and still have wool left over.

I have vintage jewelry up the ying-yang as I was once going to make one-of-a-kind necklaces.  I have never made a single piece of jewelry.  I don’t even know how and yet I have every tool to do so.

I have enough wool yarn to knit scarves for every person I know and their brother.

I bought tons of charms for my Life Crowns that I had the brilliant idea for and even had business cards made up.

Don’t even start me on all the do-dads and bits and pieces of this and that that is strewn in boxes and bins and baskets.

I have a brilliant, creative mind but a broken -down, lazy body and a screwed up psyche.

I don’t want to be rich or famous, I just want to make stuff that brings people pleasure.  And I love to teach.

My pipe-dream has always been to have a little shop where I could sell my stuff and teach classes.  But how long do I hang on to this dream?  How long do I keep all this stuff I have accumulated?  It is overflowing my space (I have a small building that used to house a lot of this stuff but it is unusable as of now so most of my stuff is jammed into a fifth-wheel camper…and I can’t even get to it if I wanted!) and my thoughts.  I see it everywhere and feel guilty that I am not this creative producing person I dream of being.

When do I say to myself, “Let it go, Roxie” ?

And if I did, would it set me “FREE” or would I feel like a failure and slip into old age with nothing to dream about and hope for. (I’m talking about my creative life, not my personal life 🙂

I had hoped that this year of my life, I would find the answer.  That I would sail into my 60’s settled as to who I am and what I wanted to accomplish.  But I am into this year 53 days and I am no closer to figuring it out than I was ten years ago.

Does anyone out there have any words of wisdom for me?  Any advice?  I sure could use some about now.

This is such a heavy burden on me as I feel the clock “ticking” and a panic is welling up inside of me screaming louder and louder every day, “DECIDE, DECIDE, DECIDE” and I feel I am paralyzed by inaction.   Drowning in indecision and doubt.

Somebody throw me a life jacket…………………

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2 responses »

  1. If you haven’t used it in the past 5 years, good chance you won’t in the next 5 years. Although…you have cut back on your hours of working…hmmm, quite the dilemma.

  2. That’s why I love you. We are birds of a feather! When you find the answer, let me know. We just have to convince our handy husbands to build us buildings for our treasures (notice I didn’t say “crap?”). People are always evolving. I’m not much for deadlines or resolutions – too much pressure. However, I do feel that we would both feel a sense of relief if we lightened our load somewhat. I know, you give me your stuff and I’ll give you mine!

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