The other day I saw a picture of a celebrity and for the life of me, I could not remember his name. I could tell you the movies he was in and that he was once on SNL but his name just totally was gone from my memory. It was kinda scary. To have a total blank-out on a face that you know well. It felt like my brain was on “pause”. After a minute or so, my brain hit, “play” and his name popped back into my memory (Will Ferrell) but the whole incident has me wondering if it is just information overload or something more serious.And the more concerned I get about it, the more I seem to forget. I can give you a whole list of physical reasons why my memory is failing me and they are all valid, actual reasons but it still strikes terror in my heart when it happens.
Walking into a room and not remembering why I went in there is now my new “normal” as is going to do one thing, but doing something totally different because I either forgot what I was going to do, or got distracted by something else and promptly forgot what I set out to do originally. Of course, I would never catch on to this fact except my husband has often asked me why I didn’t do such and such when I had said I was going to go and do it. And when I tell him either I forgot or got way-laid, I get “the look”.Anyone who has “Chronic Memory Deficit Disorder” (I just made that up and I think it is pretty apropos) knows “the look”. It’s where a family member, usually a child over the age of 12, looks at you as if you had just pooped on the kitchen floor. It’s a mixture of annoyance, disgust, and pity. “Doesn’t that worry you?”, he will ask. No, not especially, I think. Besides, the man is almost six years younger than me and has started to display his own signs of CMDD and I have been able to throw back the line, “Doesn’t that worry you”? (Side note: my husband is pretty awesome and I love him to pieces and he is usually ok with my memory lapses!)
Has this happened to you? I have now preface most of my conversations with, “I don’t know if this is true or if I just made it up”. Because many times I can’t remember where I heard something so I can’t back up my story with facts. Or if I do have facts, they may not be true! I blame it on the internet. I met with some old friends a few weeks back and we were reminiscing about our childhood/teen years when my oldest friend (as in we have been friends the longest…since we were toddlers) told a story about an adventure we had and I had absolutely NO memory of it….nada….not even a vague feeling that maybe I had a memory of it. That was weird. We go back a long, long time and had years of adventures together but you would think I could have some recollection of this particular event. But secretly I wondered if she might have gotten me mixed up with one of our other friends who was not with us. At least that’s my story
…. I cannot tell you how many times I have done this and have been so surprised that I had forgotten I had JUST sent an email or text to myself! I feel like a total moron…but it does make me laugh everytime!
I do this all the time with passwords. I usually try to keep the same three passwords but sometimes you have to add something to them like a number or a symbol and I always think I am going to remember it and of course, I NEVER do. I can not tell you how many accounts I cannot get into because I cannot remember my dang password. Or if I actually did write it down somewhere I cannot find it or in a moment of what I considered pure genius, I have sent myself (see above) the password but not the account it is for since email isn’t secure. I now have three emails with different passwords and not a clue as to what account they are for!
If I have an event I need to remember, I must run right away to my wall calendar and write it down or I will never remember it. And then I have to highlight the crap out of it or I won’t remember to even look at the calendar! And please don’t even bother leaving me a voice message. IF I remember to check our land line machine, I will listen to your message and think to myself, “Gotta remember to call so and so back” and that will be the absolute last time it will be in my brain. I have a whole wall that is painted with blackboard paint and if I don’t run from the phone to the blackboard and write it down…..well, we all know how that ends, now don’t we.
I have to admit to have done this at least twice, at least….maybe more. I get all panicky thinking where in the heck I could have left it as I have all my photos and videos of my grands on there and of course, I don’t know how to throw them up to the Cloud or how to store them in itunes so I live in constant fear of losing my stinkin’ phone. Its a real relief to find out I am just losing my mind and have not lost my phone when I realize I am talking on it! I have done a similar thing with my purse over the years. I have had it on my arm and have had packages also on that arm and all of a sudden I get that heart stab panic….WHERE’S MY PURSE…and start hyperventilating and running hither and yon and then I spot it and I could just pee with relief….been there, done that?
oh geez, I should have cropped that before I put it on here and I have no idea how to get it off!) It really is a medical thing (I think) that as we age, we no longer have room for all our memories and so when something new comes in, something else leaves. I wish we could delete all the bad memories or stupid stuff, so more important info has room to stay. (This is really sad..I spent about an hour going thru Pinterest looking for memory stuff and I just saw that I had pinned the same thing THREE times….and not just one….I had done it with two of them….)
What I really hate is I have now started to lose my train of thought mid sentence. How is that possible? Is it I talk too much or have such unmemorable stuff to say that I get bored with myself and hit a brain delete button before I have completed my thought? I am going to have to start keeping a hanging notebook around my neck to quickly write down a thought lest I forget it in a nanosecond. It is always much worse if I have had more than two cups of coffee…my mouth absorbs all the caffeine and works overtime and on fast forward but my brain is on pause and the combination of the two makes me sound like an idiot.
Now this is something I would love to forget…what if we were all to forget our chronological age and live like we are the age we feel inside? Truly our lives would be changed, I bet. I know mine would. No more lamenting on how little time is left to do all the things I have been putting off till “next year”! No more late night tears thinking I might not be around to see my grands get married and certainly won’t be around to see the births of their children. No more feeling like, “Why bother…I’m getting too old to think of doing that”.
Oh ya, forgetting my age would be the only thing I would love to forget!