Well we are into day two of this holiday weekend and by some cruel twist of fate, I have aged 20 years and with two days still to go, by Monday night at 11:59pm I should be ancient.
What has caused this rapid aging? Oh, I am so glad you asked…
Our bestest friends had a daughter get married yesterday and our daughter was in the wedding….sounds good, right? No stress. Nothing to age about….except…..
Our daughter has three wonderful, darling, smart, gorgeous, above exceptional children (like all grandbabies, right?) and a husband who just started a new position so his time off that he had requested was null and void….this is where it gets interesting…
On Friday, our daughter wanted to go and do “bridesmaid” stuff and my husband and I were beyond thrilled to watch all three little ones. Did I mention how little? A very inquisitive 4 year old, a “independent” 2 year old, and a very chubby 8 month old who is just starting to be weaned. Momma drops off the babes even before this granny got home from work….oh, ya…did I forget to add that I had worked all night?
We had a wonderful day…grandpa put the two older ones in the garden cart and like a man working for tips, ran them all over the property. Took them to visit the cows and play in the water trough and then they played games outside. Grandma was in charge of the Michelin man baby. Who knew that a baby gets heavier and heavier as the day goes by and that fat, old grandma’s arms get weaker and weaker? A small reprieve by laying with said baby when baby naps surrounded by pillows and giant teddy bears so just in case Grandma nods off, baby won’t roll off bed and bounce around room. I don’t know about any other grandparents but when our grands are here we are slaves to their various whims, make twenty-seven different things to try to get them to eat something, become human toys and carnival rides but by the time momma came to pick them up, Grandma was drooling and running into things and Grumpa was nursing an aching back. But our hearts were happy and full.
Saturday: Daughter has to be at wedding home at 10am and so three, energetic cherubs bound in at 8:30 am. Now Grandma had to be up by 6am to get ready for the wedding day as she knew that once the troops came there would be no time. So grandma is all coiffed and make up is spackled on when babes arrive. At breakfast table grandma mentions to Grumpa that the 4 yr. old and the 2 yr. old keep looking at her as they don’t often see grandma in “full glamour” mode. So dear Grumpa says to 4yr. old, “Doesn’t Grandma look pretty?” and sweet child says to me, “Grandma, you are very pretty”. But instead of just saying Thank You, I have to push the envelope and ask, “Are you saying that just to be nice or do you really think Grandma is pretty?” Sweetness pours out of that rosebud mouth, “I’m just saying that to be nice”. So I add salt to my wound by asking, “Do you think Grandma is ugly???” That little pie hole opens up and “Yes, Grandma, I think you are a little bit ugly” comes tumbling out of it.
NEVER as a child for the truth if you don’t have the cojonies to hear it!
I see I failed to mention that we were in charge of the three babes for the whole day which meant we had to make sure they were all fed and cleaned up and brought to the wedding place early because the older two were in the wedding. I have now learned that trying to contain and control three young children is like trying to contain water in a colander. I swear each one had at least three Doppelgangers….
Having been a mother and knowing that children cannot go for long periods of time without eating, I packed up a thermal bag with peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, fruit snacks, chips, baby food, baby puffs (like good-for-you Cherrios), Goldfish crackers, anything I could think of that a little one might eat, sippy cups full of water and a couple of toys for them to play with on the hour and a half drive to wedding.
I must interject here that our daughter as a child was very soft-spoken and eventho she liked to talk, it was easy to listen with just “half an ear”. Her children have not inherited her vocal cords. We were regaled with stories and songs and questions (which the 4yr old demanded that Grumpa look at him when he was talking, quite a feat since Grumpa was driving and Grandma has always yelled at Grumpa to watch the road instead of rubbernecking while he was driving!) And the 2 yr old was attempting to put her fingers up into her brain via her nasal cavities most of the trip and politely declined offers of a hankie.
Oh ya, let’s just add that Grandma should have tried on her wedding outfit BEFORE it was time to go. Somehow said outfit shrunk in the closet and Grandma panicked and wore a polyester top and it was 100 degrees outside and Grandma was sweating like Jabba the Hut in a sauna. And the wedding was outside…..in the sun……
I swear to you I am exhausted right now just writing about the day and I am not even half done! So I am going to condense this story into verbs and adjectives and short phrases…I’m sure it will suffice…
Babes to get dressed in wedding attire but first need snack
Goldfish trampled into wedding house carpets
Sandwich crusts on wedding house couch
Sticky fingers on wedding house coffee table
Baby needs diaper change….pee ewww baby
Stinky diaper in wedding house garbage
2yr old needs financial incentive to get dressed up
Baba shows up with insignificant other (my mom and her long-suffering life companion)
Hand 19# baby over to Baba to hold
Go to seat in blazing sun
Wedding starts, aisle seat, great photo spot, daughter is first down
Start phone video
Video stops….no more storage space.
Grab Grumpa’s phone, don’t know how to get video going, throw it at Grumpa
Help, Grumpa, HELP
Grumpa has no cheaters handy, can’t see
100 degrees….blazing sun….polyester top (black of course) rivers of living water pouring from Grandma
Daughter coming down isle
Major panic mode as it is getting closer to the time the grands start down!
Get Grumpa’s phone to picture mode.
Sweat pouring into Grandma’s eyes, can’t see to take photos, snap, Grandma, snap
Granddaughter walks down aisle looking like a little funky princess in creamy white and pink tulle dress and cowboy boots….
Blindly snapping photos as now eye make-up has run into eyes and burning out irises.
Here comes grandson, with his cowboy hat and white shirt and gray vest and jeans pulling a red wagon with baby in it with sign on the back saying , HERE SHE COME
Hitting buttons on phone hoping to hit right one for photos, can no longer open eyes
Bride and her proud papa come down aisle, see black and white blurs, think it must be bride and dad
Time to run up and get grands to sit with us
Hobble over (did I mention I had on my cowboy boots which were killing my feet and wool socks on?) and grab grands
Someone has given them suckers, look around to see who to punch, as their photos with the wedding party are AFTER the wedding and both kids are already drooling Tootsie Pop on clothes.
100 degrees, black polyester top, Grandma is slowly dying of heat stroke, can feel feet swelling inside cowboy boots, wool socks on.
Baby not happy. Cry, baby, cry
Baba gives bracelet to baby to chew on..baby wants phone…Baba gives baby phone, chew, baby, chew
Grandma freaks, germs, baby, germs!
Grandma has to take 2yr old in house to get sucker out of hair and to wash sticky hands and face and to try to get out orange stains on creamy white and pink tulle dress from ^%$& sucker.
Grumpa comes in….4yr old needs potty…needs newspaper….
Wedding over…..Grandma and Grumpa miss most of it…hope to see video
Two hour wait until reception
100 degrees, wool socks, hot, sticky, crabby, hungry and the kids aren’t too comfortable either!
Find chairs in shade, drink countless glasses of ice-cold water, try to keep grands happy and clean and hydrated….
Cry, baby, cry
Pick off woodticks
Finally time for photos….find Grumpa and 4yr. old….
2yr old needs more financial backing to put headband back one (how can a 2yr old have such a concept of money? )
Grumpa escapes somewhere.
Cry, baby, cry
7 time dad takes baby, magically baby falls asleep on his shoulder
Love, Chris, Love
Time to get over to reception.
Grumpa takes all babes in daughter’s SUV
Grandma gathers all diaper bags, clothing, food
Spies baby car seat
Give car seat to teenager to run it to Grumpa before Grumpa has to walk back with all three babes
Grandma has locked the SUV and still has keys
Grandma is going to be in BIG trouble
Run, Grandma, Run
I have to stop here and get ready to go to a birthday party and then go on to work so I will leave you with the photo I took of myself while we were waiting to eat at reception.
It pretty much sums up the day so far.