Monthly Archives: June 2014

“X” IS FOR XANTHIPPE”

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When I thought about writing for the letter, “X”, the most obvious things came to mind;  x-rays, x-rated, xylophone.  Most obvious and the only ones I could think of so I went and Googled words beginning with “x” and a list of  obscure words came up so today you are going to get a vocabulary lesson.   I promise it won’t be boring (at least no more boring than the rest of my posts!)

XANTHIPPE:  (looks like a hippie on Xanax to me)  “an ill-tempered woman”

XANTHOCOMIC (a comic on Xanax?) “yellow-haired”

XANTHOCYANOPSY (an invasive medical procedure where you are given Xanax to help you get high so you don’t mind them sticking something big into a place where no man has gone before?)  “form of color-blindness in which only blue and yellow are distinguished”   (how weird would that be???)

XANTHODONT: ( A dentist on Xanax?)  “one with yellow teeth”

XANTHOPSIA:  (A hallucination brought on by too much Xanax?)  “a visual condition where things appear yellowish”  (gee, I wasn’t too far off)

XANTHOUS:  (Can’t leave the house because you took too much Xanax?)   “yellow or red-haired”   (Seriously?  the same word for a blonde or a red-head?)

XENAGOGUE:  (a temple where they worship the warrior, Xena?)  “guide; someone who conducts strangers”

XENIAL:  (Denial said with a French accent?)    “of or concerning hospitality towards guests”

XENODOCHEIONOLOGY:  (Some kind of study of dry, dusty, old women?)   “love of hotels”    (WHO KNEW?)

XENOGENESIS:  (Some kind of mythology?)  ” generation of offspring entirely unlike the parent”  (well, duh, aren’t all offspring unlike their parents?  Much to our dismay!)

XENOMANCY: (Some kind of currency?)  “divination using strangers”  (so do you go up to a stranger, pick them up, turn them sideways and start looking for water?)

XENOMANIA:  (What happens when you don’t take your Xenolithium?)  “inordinate attachment to foreign things”  (so does that mean if you fall in love with a foreigner you have it?)

XENOMENIA:  (Some kind of obsession?)  “menstruation from abnormal orifices”  (ok, if its menstruation doesn’t that mean it comes out of only one place?  Any other place would be called, “bleeding”?????)

XENOPHILIA:  (A foreign type of hemophilia?)  “love of foreigners”   (but not an inordinate attachment?)

XENOPHOBIA:  (A fear of Xenos?)  “fear of foreigners”

XEROTIC:  (An X-rated film???)  “dry”   (Seriously?  that great of a word and it only means “dry”????)

XYLOPHILOUS:  (A type of STD?   “fond of wood; living in or on wood”  (not even gonna go there…..)

XYSTER:  (A lower form of a shyster?)   “surgeon’s instrument for scraping bones”

Well, there you go.  You are so much smarter now that just a few minutes ago.  I expect you to use these words in conversation.  There will be a test.

I think my new favorite word is XEROTIC, as in “The Queen has quite a XEROTIC wit about her”!

Wishing you an Xcellent day,

Queenie

“WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY”

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Those five words are the basis for every good report.  But in my life they stand for:

WHO:  who am I calling?  who broke that glass?  who am I supposed to meet tomorrow?  who was that person?  who is coming over?  who left just a spit of milk in the jug?  who ate all the ice cream?

WHAT:  what did I come into this room for?  what was I saying?  what did I say I was going to write down so I wouldn’t forget?  what day is it?  what was I thinking?  what have I done to my hair now?  what else can I buy?  what did I do with that thing I was just using?

WHERE:  where am I going?  where did I put that?  where am I going to get the money to pay for that?  where are my glasses?  where did I hide that chocolate candy?  where was I supposed to be?

WHEN:  when am I going to fall asleep?  when I am going to start a diet?  when am I going to organize my crap room?  when I am going to start exercising?  when am I going to stop shopping on ebay?  when did I buy that?  when did I ever think I would be that small?  when am I going to get rid of all these craft supplies?  when is this house ever going to get clean?

WHY:  why did I shave my head?  why did I buy that?  why can’t I have more self-discipline?  why did I just say that?  why don’t I return phone calls?  why am I the way I am?  why don’t I have more energy?  why did I wear that?  why am I getting to be a hermit?  why do I spend so much time online?  why was I born beautiful instead of rich?

 

With love from:

WHO?  Queen Robyn

WHAT?  Another inane post

WHERE?  Live from Northfield 7 Farm, in downtown Burnett (which is no longer called Burnett since the Burnett Store and Post Office closed down back in the 80’s, but technically I don’t live in Culver, nor do I live in Saginaw but that is my zip code but my  land line phone has the Alborn exchange number…dang, no wonder I don’t know if I am coming or going….)

WHEN?  Practically at the crack of dawn for me….9:30am

WHY?  Ha!  That is the $64,000 question.  Why do I write?  Why do you read them?  I write because I am a self-centered egotist who thinks her life is worth writing about but what is your excuse for reading about my life?  LOL

Have a wonderful day.  It is already humid up here and I HATE it.  Time to shut windows and turn on the AC.  Am supposed to go to a grad party this afternoon but my car has no AC so depending on how hot it is, I may be a no show…..gee, how odd is that?  How many days left till Fall?????

 

“V” IS FOR VACCINATIONS

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I was wondering what I would rant about using the letter, “V” and then this came up on my FB page and my rant was born!

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I am one of those weirdos that DO NOT believe in vaccinations especially not for infants.  Not because of any religious reasons but because I don’t believe in injecting babies with stuff.  Their little immune systems are not designed to handle an onslaught of viruses (dead or alive).  I have read up on much of the research that has been available for the past 25 plus years so I am not just following some “right-wing” whackos.

My second cousin has his doctorate in Public Health and works for the CDC and he is CONVINCED his son got autism from vaccinations.  This man has the knowledge and resources to delve into stuff you and I don’t have a clue about and if he is sure of his findings, well, then who am I to disagree?

We stopped vaccinating our child at age 7.   Other than getting the chicken pox at age 25, she has been totally healthy as have all three of her unvaccinated children.

My fear is if this passes, what else will the government force us to do?   Do you not see how we are headed for a government-run society?  We have already given up so many of our rights to this corrupt and dishonest government we have (both parties are at fault here so I am not just picking on the this administration).

People…WAKE UP….I feel like we are all just a bunch of stupid sheep following one another to the cliff and leaping off because the sheep in front of us have leapt to their death and we just followed along.

Every time we give up a right, we are one step closer to having NO rights at all.

My big question on this vaccination mandate is this:  IF VACCINES WORK, THEN WHAT DOES THE VACCINATED PUBLIC HAVE TO FEAR FROM THOSE NOT VACCINATED?????  Am I right or not?   Think about it….

Your unvaccinated Queen

“U” IS FOR UNDERWEAR

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UNDERWEAR…..when you see that word, what is your first thought?  My generation and those before us will probably think this:

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I do not know if mother’s today tell their daughters, (did they ever tell sons this? Or did they just figure it was a losing battle with a boy?) to always make sure you have on clean underwear in case you get into an accident and have to go to the hospital, where on arrival the Underwear Police are called and before you are treated they check the status of your underwear.  If your underwear is deemed, “Unacceptable”, you will be denied help.  Even though I have yet to hear of someone being denied treatment because they had on ratty skivvies, it must be true or why would our mothers tell us this?

I once had the misfortune of having to go to the emergency room while in another city and I can tell you that one of my first thoughts besides, “Oh crap, I have not shaved my legs in a couple of weeks” and “Why did I color my hair Lemon Yellow”, was to wonder what condition my underwear was in.  Did you notice that the reason I was in the ER was not a major thought at this point?  How messed up is that?

 

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I was going to go into this big, long discussion of the evolution of Underwear, but then I thought, “Wait a minute…this isn’t a thesis for your Master’s Degree” so I will just comment on the above photo!  I am a fan of the 1950’s and so I wear the kind of panties shown above (TMI?).  When I was younger and not so fleshy (TMI burned into your mind?) I did venture into the 70-90’s and you can read about my adventure with “thong” underwear in my past post called, “Thongs, They Crack Me Up”….but I have settled into my “granny panties” very nicely, thank you very much.  Unfortunately, I am short-waisted (which my husband thinks I made up the term) and so my granny panties are up to my rib cage….perhaps I can call them “high-waisted” panties and be totally in fashion since I have seen that high-waisted pants and skirts and even swimsuit bottoms are in style today.   Geez, I was rockin’ that look for years…I am such a trend setter….I should have my own Fashion Blog….image

I don’t know if I have ever had a matching set of undies.  I figure if my bra is ripped or stained and so are my panties, I’m good to go.

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I HATE shopping for underwear.  I think it is the only thing on this earth I hate shopping for!  It’s because I can’t shop online for it.  Maybe if you are not “gifted” in the upper chest region, you can order the same size you normally wear and pretty much know it will fit.  Not us “big” girls.  We have to suffer the pain and humiliation of going into the Bra department and then spend 90 minutes looking at every bra, opening every box, decide if we want to torture ourselves with underwire devices or be wire free and have our girls be sitting on our waists.  Then we have to muster up the courage to take our 20 bras (the item limit does not count for bras in my opinion because I ain’t taking off my top and trying on 3 bras, putting my old bra back on, put my shirt back on, take all my stuff out of the fitting room and go back out to my cart and grab three more….I would rather be strip-searched once on my way out to be sure I ain’t stolen a bra) and try each and every one on.

How many of you will not take a bra in the dressing room that looks like someone else MIGHT have tried it on?  I would have to be pretty darn desperate to do that (unless of course, it was greatly discounted…hey, a penny saved……)

Now, I don’t know about you, but I NEVER, EVER, try on underpants.  That is just WRONG.  There should be a law that you can not try on underpants…there should be an alarm that goes off if someone tries to sneak a pair into the dressing room.  Ewwww..that just freaks me out….I try to buy mine in sealed packs….so I know ain’t no one else’s V-J been touching it….(sorry if I offended…but you are all thinking it)

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Now let’s talk about “Shape Wear”.   “Shape Wear” is Chinese for “Torture Garment”. Many, many years ago, when I was thin…I wore a Long-Legged  Panty Girdle.  It was made from some kind of industrial-strength material that took more energy and burned up more calories than running a marathon, to just get into.  (I wrote a true story about once when I had it on, under the title, My Life at the Bar).  Today they are called, “Spanx”.  How sexist is that?  I know a woman developed them and she is like the youngest female, self-made BILLIONAIRE in our country!  I have heard of movie stars wearing two and three pairs of this stuff under their dresses.  I wonder how they breath, or sit, or Lord help us, how they pee?image

Typical piece of Spanx….seriously?  If I was that thin to begin with, why on earth would I kill myself to look 3# thinner?   Lemme see a big girl in that.  We ladies of size need ones to come down to below our knees, cause no where in the pages of Vogue do I see fashions where Thigh-Fat is popular.  And when is someone gonna come up with, “Arm Spanx”…flesh colored bands to wear so your arm flap doesn’t cause changes in the wind flow or bruise anyone when you wave your arm.  If I was more ambitious (aka…not so lazy), I would develop it and become the Oldest, Female, Self-made Billionaire!

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I know that Madonna made wearing underwear “outside” of your clothing popular back in the 1980’s but come on folks…these ladies are gonna get sunburned…but please take note WHERE the waists of these garments are….OH YA…I am soooo ahead of my time!

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When I first saw this picture, I thought it was those panties that have the padding in the butt (what moron thought of that?  Most of us want LESS butt, not more).  Then I realized it was an upside-down strapless bra.   How many of you gals have ever had the pleasure of trying to keep the girls contained in one of these?  Is it just me or does everyone end up with them somewhere around your waist by the end of the night.  Somethings are just not meant to happen and keeping the girls perky without the help of massive straps is never a good idea.image

Is this still a fashion look?  I never could understand the lure of having your underwear show.  Back in my day…(yup, I am “officially” old now), having a piece of your undergarments show was so embarrassing!  You would run to someone if their slip was showing the least little bit and whisper in their ear and they would flee as fast as they could to the restroom to fix it.  I cannot tell you how many times I had a safety pin attached to my bra strap and pinned to my shirt so a strap wouldn’t accidentally show!  In looking for these little cartoons on Pinterest, I came across so many photos of real people IN STORES or fastfood places in just pieces of their underwear!!!!  I’m not talking just a hint of thong or tidy-whitey….I’m talking nothing else on but the undies.   WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

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Part of my job as a homemaker/companion is doing other folk’s laundry.  People sure do like their underwear folded in a certain manner.  I figure if I just lob mine in the direction of my underwear shelf, that is close enough.  My hubs likes his folded, “Just So” and often after I have folded it and put it on his shelf (we do not have dressers, just a big armoire with shelves) I will see he has re-folded it.  I cannot see what the difference is….as long as it is clean, does it matter how it is folded?   I need to hear what you have to say about this!

And lastly, this lovely little gem….

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If I had a dollar for everytime I have put on my panties (and I am so sorry to admit, my bra) inside out, I would be the richest woman on earth.  Most of my undies are black with black “you-know-what” inside, and I can not see worth a darn without my cheaters and I really need Tri-focals because there is a certain distance that I can not see no matter which pair of glasses I put on, so when I get dressed in the morning, I think I have on my undies right, it is only later in the day when I am sitting on my throne, do I realize that, yup, once again, they are on inside out.  Rarely do I put them on backwards, but it has happened.

I wonder what would happen if I was in an accident and had my underwear on backwards AND inside out?   I bet the Underwear Police would think they were doing me a favor by letting me die, since I must be so senile that I don’t know which way is up!

Your Queen of TMI

 

“T” IS FOR TEMPTATION

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TEMPTATION:  the desire to perform an action that one may enjoy immediately or in the short term but will probably later regret for various reasons

Oh boy, can I relate to that….

I am a weak sister….I have very little resolve when it comes to giving in to temptation.image

I am an “all or nothing”, “what’s the worst that can happen”, “you gotta die sometime”, “it’s only money/hair”, “buy today, worry about paying for it later”, kind of gal.

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Temptation and I are old friends.   Sometimes we are even best friends.  We have a very volatile relationship.  I know that being friends with it will only harm me but it sings it’s siren song and I listen and does what it tells me to do.  Now, I am not talking illegal, immoral, or salvation stealing stuff.  I am talking personal issues that can on occasion,  even affect my family.

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There is a saying I once read that goes, “There are three parts to sin: temptation; hesitation; participation.”

It is not bad to be tempted.  We are tempted daily in some way, shape or form.  The problem starts when we hesitate or begin to imagine what it might be like to give in to that particular tempting thought.  At this point is where self-control and self-discipline come in.  Two character traits I am very weak in.  image

I have to completely stay away from my “tempters”…those places and things and areas that I know I am weak-willed in.  As I mentioned before, I am an “all or nothing” gal.

If my tempter is shopping, then I have to not surf the internet and especially not surf Ebay.  I love ebay.  I would rather spend the day surfing Ebay than a day at the Mega Mall.  If the only way I could spend money was to physically go out and go into a store then I probably would save thousands of dollars every year.

Same would hold true with eating.  If I forced myself to only eat IN a food joint, I would be much thinner as I really don’t go INTO restaurants very often.  I am a drive-thru, eat in my car, kinda gal.  (I must admit, since I no longer work and have to be in town, I don’t have the opportunity to eat out nearly as much as the closest place is still a good 20 minutes away!)  And praise The Lord, no one delivers pizza out in the Boonies.

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What about you?  How do you overcome temptations?  Want to share what your “tempters” are?

As for me, I really need to work on my self-discipline.  I have HUGE issues with authority (my husband is reading this and saying, “OH YA THINK?”) that stem from childhood and even though I can see that and know that a certain amount of self-discipline is good and healthy, I bristle at the thought that I can’t/shouldn’t do whatever the heck I want.  Ya, I know.  Major issues.

But my famous motto is:  “I’m not dead yet”.  So there is hope for me…

Please share your thoughts with me.  I love hearing from you.  I know I am not alone in this struggle and you know that “misery loves company”!

Love from your reckless Queen

“S” IS FOR SWIMSUITS

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Swimsuit shopping is the worst kind of shopping known to womanhood.  I do not believe there is a woman alive who gets excited at the prospect of going swimsuit hunting.

I remember being skinny (ya, I know…it was decades ago) and still hating to try on swimsuits.

Now that I am a woman of fleshy abundance and a poster child for spider veins, my swimsuit days are long gone.  YOU ARE MOST WELCOME…

But there are times I wish to set my abundanceness in some water and since I don’t have the financial means to rent a whole hotel for just me and my family, I have gotten creative in my attire.   I just purchased a Tankini top, complete with the biggest, roundest,  cup inserts I have ever seen but actually fits like a dream, to go with a pair of  capri black leggings with an attached skirt that is light weight and should provide ample coverage and yet be something one can wear in the water and not be dragged to the bottom by waterlogged material.  I shall be unveiling my new attire at a reunion of gal cousins next month!  Lucky them.  Hopefully by the time we actually get in the pool, most of them will have had enough liquor that they wouldn’t care a bit if I was nekked….ew….sorry to have put that picture into your mind….and hey, we are all related so they can just be thankful they did not inherit the same genes I got!

Can we talk about swimsuits?  I have a “soap box” opinion on them that is NOT at all popular.  As wild as I am in my hair/make-up/clothing, I take a VERY conservative view on swimsuit wear among mixed sexes.  It has bothered me for years that really conservative folks in most areas of their lives, think nothing of wearing body-baring suits to swim in.  Folks that believe in modesty and purity in every other part of their lives but seem to forget that in the area of swimsuits. Why is it ok for them to wear “underwear for water” out in public when they would not wear such clothing anywhere else?   Do they feel it is appropriate for people of the opposite sex to view their bodies because they are at a pool or a beach?   Does not the verses in the Bible about not causing one another to stumble in their Christian walk apply to the beach?  Do we not lust or sin with our eyes in the water?   Is your son/husband not going to see the breast of that woman or her butt cheeks?   I just don’t get it.   And don’t even try to tell me that it is up to each person not to sin, that you can wear whatever you like and it is not your problem if they “sin” because of your immodesty.  Poppycock!   We “Christians”  are called to a higher standard than the “world” but at a beach you cannot tell “us” from the rest of society and I think it is wrong, wrong, wrong.

As I said, it is my soap box and I would LOVE to hear your comments on this.  Even if you vehemently disagree.  I want to hear how you justify it.

Ok, well this is going to tick off some folks but hey….opinions are like noses…everyone has one and this is mine….I will still love you and I hope that you will still love me even if we think each other is “nuts”!!!

Come on in, the water is fine…..

Your very modest Queen

“R” IS FOR REST?

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“OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING. OH, WHAT A BEAUTIFUL DAY…”

It is 5:20am and I have had maybe two hours of sleep.  And in that two hours, I had two long and bizarre dreams.  And now I am up for at least the better part of the day.

I know that as we age, we need less and less sleep but hells bells this is ridiculous.

I have never been a person who falls asleep easily or quickly.  If I fall asleep within an hour of going to bed, I consider that ” falling asleep before my head hits the pillow”. It happens maybe twice a year.

Most times it is a good 90 minutes or more….on a good night.

I am married to a man who thinks if it takes him five minutes to fall asleep, he has not had a good night’s sleep.  I can not tell you how many times he has fallen asleep during a serious bedtime discussion.  One second he is talking and then I say a few words (any man reading this is thinking..”No woman ever just says a few words”.) and I wait for his reply and he is sound asleep.  After 30 years of marriage, I have learned not to be offended, it’s just his “gift”.

Other people in his family also have this “gift”.  I have many pictures of his dad sitting in a chair, head back, mouth open, sound asleep.  I think everyone in his family, except for one sister, has this gift.  I hate them.   (Just kidding, of course!)

I think my problem started as a kid.  On Friday nights, if I could stay awake and my sister would fall asleep, I could get up and watch, “Sea Hunt” and “Tarzan”.   I would lay awake listening to my sister’s breathing, hour after hour (we had to go to bed at 8pm and “Sea Hunt” came on at 10:30pm) and finally, when I was sure she was asleep, I would softly call out her name….”Jooooodiiiiiii”.  No reply.  So I would sllllloooowwwwllllyyyyy get out of bed….and silently creep to the bedroom door, which was always left open a crack, since I was terrified of the dark, and just as I was about to taste the thrill of victory…….”Daaaaad, Robyn is out of bed”!!!!!   Dang, she was awake and so there would be no Lloyd Bridges or Johnny Weissmuller for me that night.

Even as an adult, I could not get to sleep.  When I was single, I had a house right next to a railroad yard.  All night long, those trains would be banging and clanging and whistles going off and cars going up and down the road next to my bedroom window. It was a bungalow and so my bedroom was on practically on the street level.

Which gave me another reason not to sleep…those windows.  I had never lived anywhere before where I had not had a bedroom on the second floor.  I lived in abject terror of someone coming into the house through those windows.  Even though I always had a dog or three, I never felt safe.  To this day, more than 3o years later, I still have nightmares that have to do with that house and those windows!

Now add to the mix, a kid who did not sleep through the night until she was SIX AND A HALF YEARS OLD!!!!   I kid you not.

So then we move out to the boonies.  And my husband has to work out of town many nights and there are wild animals outside and a lunatic who lives across the road.  And our bedroom is down in the basement where we have huge widows and no AC so on hot nights, I had to decide which was the worse of two evils, both which caused me to not sleep anyway.  And do you know how scary it is for a city girl to hear coyotes and wolves howl in the dead of night when you are all by yourself (kids don’t count) and then there are those “mystery” sounds that all houses make.  For years and years, during the cold winter nights, there would come these extremely loud bangs, like someone was hitting the house with a sledge hammer.  Or the window casings would make loud sounds like someone was trying to get in (that still happens…don’t know why).  Or the dog(s) would sudden start to growl or bark or Lord forbid, HOWL.

Do you know the fear that flows through your body when you are awakened out of a dead sleep by a dog howl in the dark of night ( I was shocked at how dark it is out in the country where you have nary a light to be seen)?  We had a dog that was part beagle and loved to sleep under our bed and would on occasion, mostly when Scott was gone overnight, let out a deep, mournful, howl.   I would sit up like I had been flung from some unseen catapult, blood pounding in my ears, my heart beating frantically, my eyes trying to pierce the darkness for that demon straight from hell that the dog must be seeing!  I think the worst scare that stupid dog gave me was one night in the winter when the power had gone out (ever been alone at night in the bathtub when your power goes out….makes the water “brown” I can tell you that!) and my kid and I decided we might as well go to bed since it was cold and dark.  My husband always wanted my daughter to sleep in our room when he was out of town so in case something happened, I would not have to worry about her alone in her room on a different floor than us.  So we crawled into my bed in total blackness and the dog was under the bed, and we were laying there talking and I said, “Aren’t you glad you can’t see how dark it is”, when all of a sudden something jumped on the bed.  I screamed, she screamed and the dog (which had somehow decided that she too, wanted to be in bed with us) flew off the bed and went back under the bed where we could hear her bones rattling in fear on the hardwood floors.  I think I had to change the sheets after that……

Add to the mix, a husband who does not work normal hours, so he is coming and going at all times of the day or night.  I have warned him countless times to always make sure I know it is him coming in or he might get his head blown off since I ask no questions and take no prisoners.

And for the past five years, I too, have worked crazy hours.  Crazy, crazy, hours.

And that brings us to today.  Where even though I no longer am working, I still have yet to reclaim a “normal” sleep schedule.  Looking back at this post, I am pretty sure unless I resort to drugs, a “normal” sleep schedule is not in my future any time soon! So I guess I will be seeing more of these beautiful sunrises and less of the afternoons (when I have to nap, which I hate, since I feel I am missing out on life…).

Geez, if only I had the ambition and energy to be doing something during my awake times, I could be awesome…..I could be ANITA!  (A friend who has boundless, boundless, energy.  More energy than anyone I have EVER known.  She needs to sell her blood…she would be a gazillionaire!)

“That which does not kill you makes you stronger”  (cow patties, I say and since I actually have cows, I know of which I speak)

Your ever tired Queen