Monthly Archives: August 2014

MTV BOOB AND BUTT AWARDS

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I really should not have been as surprised as I was watching the MTV awards show.

Miley Cyrus really set the bar low last year butt (and I do mean BUTT) this year’s performances and outfits were the last straw for me (I know, I know).   Had I wanted to see big butts shakin’ I could have just looked in my mirror at home and jumped up and down and physics would have done the rest (a body in motion stays in motion…).  It was like when you come upon a car accident and you don’t want to look but the horror of it all kinda compels you to look.  I was morbidly fascinated by all that flesh that was bouncing around….how can a butt be so big and yet not be hanging down around her thighs?   When they did the casting call for the dancers was a big butt the first requirement?   I kinda feel like I had had a weird nightmare about dancing butts….

And then we had Mrs. Kimmie West and all of her orbital glory hanging out.   Someone please explain to me how any self-respecting woman (oh, wait…I guess I just answered my own question…she has NO self-respect) can dress like that.  And is she offended when no one can look her in the eyes as she speaks?

But the icing on the cake had to be Beyonce gyrating and touching and whipping that fake hair around all the while singing about feminism and powerful women….WHAT?

When is the last time you saw a real feminist act like that?  What once started as equality for women has morphed into WHO CAN BE THE BIGGEST HO.

Real feminists don’t want to be thought of as a man’s plaything but these young women are falling all over themselves to portray an aura of unbridled sexuality.

AND SHE HAD HER TODDLER DAUGHTER THERE WATCHING!!!!  What in the name of all that is normal and healthy was that woman thinking????

The more I think about the debauchery I saw last night, the more incredulous I am that we have slunk so low as a society that this garbage now is entertainment for the masses.  It used to be only viewed in dark, seedy, porn houses by sad old men.  Now our babies are watching it.

Where is it going to go from here?  How long before we are accepting public acts of those things that once were only between a husband and wife in the privacy of their own bedrooms?   How much more depraved can we get?

How much more will the Creator of all things good allow this land to exist before He has had enough and destroys us like He did at Sodom and Gomorrah?  Or is He just watching us destroy ourselves from our privilege of having “free will”?

I am glad I am getting older and each moment brings me closer to my home in Heaven as I don’t want to see the kind of world my grandchildren and their descendents will have to live in.  My prayer is that their names and all of their children’s children will be entered in the Book of Life.

COME LORD JESUS……

Robyn

ALLERGY, GALLBLADDER AND BUNKHOUSE…OH MY

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MONDAY was quite the “red-letter” day for me.

Started out fantastic as my old bunkhouse was moved from it’s original spot to a more picturesque one.  It has been on the back-burner for more than two years so when it finally happened, I was thrilled!

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Here is where it sat since it was built who knows when.  Next to the windmill and maybe 25 feet from the house.  Over the years, I have used it as a school house, a craft studio, a storage shed and Scott even planed wood in it (which once sent a board flying out of the planer and through the window sill….good times…).  Two years ago, I asked Scott if we could move it to the nice little “park” setting we have between our two driveways.  Of course, by “we” I mean “him”.

My husband as many of you know is part saint.  I often throw these wild ideas at him and expect him to jump right on them.   I think I take the title of “Queen” a bit too literal!   He had wanted to move it years ago, but more toward the back of our property while I wanted it up closer to the road for the “cuteness” factor.   So, like most things I want, he gave in and said I could have it where I wanted it but it would take some time to get it ready to move….two plus years later, a kind neighbor came over with some kind of big tractor and drug it over to the new setting.

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The “park” like setting between both driveways.

The move was not without drama.  Eventho the bunkhouse is small, 12×14, it was made to last and it was HEAVY.  So anytime the tractor encountered a bump, it could not pull it over, so Scott had to run across the road and borrow our neighbor’s skidsteer and push the house while the tractor was pulling it.

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Lest you think it was clear sailing, I need to tell you that the house had to go between the Airstream and my school bus and it was only eight inches away from the Airstream and a huge beam that Scott had put in the ground for his garage addition had to be pulled up so the house could get by!

Then it has to make a turn and go up hill a bit.  It got hung up on some branches of a tree and being a red-neck, my husband stood in the bucket of the skidsteer and had the other guy lift him and his chainsaw up to the top of the house so he could saw the branches.  I think I saw an episode of “1,000 Ways to Die” like this!

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Once they cut the branches down they took on the little hill and the tractor man was backing up the skidsteer and didn’t realize that he was going to go into the ditch and I heard him yell, and I looked over and the skidsteer was vertical and I could just imagine it crushing him but by the grace of God, he righted himself (bet he had to change his skivvies) and they got it pulled into place.   Sort of….

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I have this weird quirk that I think has something to do with my inner ear liquid but if some things are not placed, “just so”, I get dizzy looking at it.  Seriously.  So when I stood in front of the house, it was off just a foot or so….so how to you tell two men who have worked their butts off, that the house needs to be moved just a foot more to the left?

Did I mention that I was married to a saint?

So after the other man left with his giant tractor, Scott rigs up some kind of cable and winch (“To the winch, wench”!   Who knows what movie that is from??) and he moves the building over a foot and back about three!   The man is awesome.

Meanwhile, I am standing around waiting to be called upon to help (not normally my line of business, but even I have some feelings of responsibility!), I decide to pull some 6 feet tall weeds that are growing in my perennial garden.  I had gloves on but a short-sleeved shirt and as I was yanking those weeds out, they were stinging my right arm but I figured I would be done in no time and would wash my arm off after.  HAH….I don’t know what those weeds were but within five minutes of pulling those weeds, I had BLISTERS all over my arm and my mouth and tongue felt like I had just eaten the skin of kiwi’s….kinda tingly and the feeling was going down the left side of my throat!

You know history shows us that many folks of royal blood have these odd allergies and maladies and since I am a Queen, it makes sense that I, too, should have some.  I quickly downed a fake Benadryl and washed my arm off with dish soap and applied some aloe from one of my many aloe plants (they are as prolific as bunnies).   I thought about telling Scott to Google how to do an emergency trach, but the man can’t even clean up dog vomit without passing out (almost) so I figured if my throat closed up, I would have to either do it myself or die.  I did wonder what it would be like to have your throat close up and if you felt it closing could you grab a piece of PVC pipe and stick it down your own throat?  (I have a really graphic imagination…).

But I just changed my clothes and went back outside to do what I could and after about 4 hours or so, the blisters were totally gone and not even a mark was there and my throat was fine (tho I did take a drink earlier and I think I must have had some weed pollen on my lips as it made my whole throat tingle for a while afterward….)

So later Scott goes to work and I settle down for a night of Season six of CSI and pretty soon my stomach starts to swell up and that alien from the movie tries to claw it’s way out from under my right rib….the pain is excruciating and nothing I eat (because if you have a stomachache you should try to feed the demon inside, right???) is helping.  Pretty soon the pain has also gone into my back and I swear something is going to pop out any second.  Then it dawns on me that maybe I am having a gallbladder attack.  So I Google it and sure enough, I have all the symptoms.  By now, I have the chills, and my mouth keeps watering (puking is my all-time FEAR…big time…beyond phobic) and I am desperate to find a remedy.  I read that eating a handful of lettuce will help, so I crawl (almost) to the fridge and grab some lettuce and chow down….nothing.  The only other thing I have in the house that it says might help is Apple Cider Vinegar and Lemon juice.  Thing is…last time I had an attack (which I had thought was food poisoning…nay, nay), I drank some ACV and promptly threw it back up (first puke in 50 years and it was as awful as I remember)so I was not keen on a repeat performance but I thought if I mixed it with warm water and lemon juice it might be Ok….NO, it was not ok….two sips and my stomach tried to refund my deposit.   I was chewing Lorazepam like candies trying to calm myself down or at least get myself to the point of not caring if I puked.   I decided to try some Ibuprofen and I don’t know which kicked in but finally I could feel the pain starting to ease up and I slept on the couch with a garbage pail next to me and woke up in the morning feeling fine.

I now live in fear of fats……and of Apple Cider Vinegar.

Any body know of a gallbladder cleanse that doesn’t involve drinking olive oil cause ain’t no way that would stay put in my stomach…ew…….

So, how was your week?

Robyn, Queen of the Bile

THE QUEEN CREATES: FINISHED PAINTED FURNITURE

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Here are the after shots of my painted couch and giant chair and ottoman.  And I couldn’t stop painting so I added some color to my Lazy Arse Chair…made it more fitting for my Queenly bottom to plop down on.

First photo is my naked and boring couch, which I discovered is made from 45% unknown materials (ok, how is that the company that made the furniture doesn’t know what kind of material it is made from????  Should I be worried?)

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I painted the back in an orangish color, the sides in a lime with bright royal blue trim and a fuchsia with a sea foam green trim, the front of the couch below the cushions in yellow (my favorite color of them all) and the backside of the front of the couch (?) in turquoise.  I did the piping on the cushions in teal and hot pink and the pillows have orange and spring green around them.

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I still need to paint the feet of the couch and chair in a bright red glossy paint !

The giant chair has a turquoise side with purple trim, rust with a mossy green trim, the front is done in a grape and the front-back is a dark raspberry and the back is yellow. The cushion has red piping and the pillow has a mustard yellow color.

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I was going to add a little skirt to the ottoman and then I thought, “What the heck are you thinking, Queenie?”  I am not a skirting kinda of gal so I painted on some fun dots and splotches.  Much more “me”.image image

 

This is what I have done so far to my Lazy Arse chair.  I mixed up some craft paints and added water and was hoping for a more burgundy tone but it turned out almost the same color as the front-back of the giant chair.  I added glittery gold paint to all the cording.  Next time I go to town, I think I will get a darker color and repaint it and then also paint the back (and add gold glittery legs to it, cause it is afterall, my throne!).

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So there you  have it…my project for the last week.  I learned a few things in doing these that I should share with you in case you decide to paint your own furniture.

Buy good quality foam brushes!  I had the cheapo ones from the craft store and they gave out fairly quickly and I found some better ones in a staining kit we had and they were so much better.

Acrylic craft pain (the cheap stuff) is easier to work with and blends with the water better.  Just be careful not to wet the fabric too much or the color will bleed into places you don’t want it to.  I never even used water on the Lazy Arse chair as the fabric was a chenille type and took the acrylic/water mix really well just dry.  It took two 2 oz. bottles of paint and 10-12 oz. of water to do one side of my couch with two coats.

And if you need to do more than one coat, wait only about an hour to give the next coat, especially if you are using latex paint as waiting till the next day made it so “crusty” it really tore up the foam brushes.  But if your fabric is smooth, you might not have that problem.

The top of my ottoman is so hard and rough that my daughter brushed against it and got scratched!  But it has 7 coats of paint on it and I will be adding a layer of glossy Mod Podge to it to help protect it from stains and I am thinking if I layer it on thick enough it will help with the roughness.  Didn’t bother the Grands at all, tho!  They liked jumping on it to the chair and the baby kept touching it.

I have another chair that I am thinking of painting in GOLD and it is a leaf-pattern material so it could be Awesome.   My next in-door project.   Gotta get the little Glamper done for my camping trip later this month….

So many projects, so little energy!!!!   Wish we could have three months of sun with temps in the low 60’s to get stuff done.

Your crafty Queen