I’m sure each of us has a few phrases that scare the bejeepers out of us when we hear them such as; “your tests came back positive”, “it will just hurt a little bit”, “please call your doctor back as soon as possible”, or “this is the IRS, please call to schedule your audit”.
None of those phrases cause as much terror in my heart than when I hear the words, “The stomach flu is going around”!
I know most of you must think I’m nuts but I am dead serious. I would rather have any kind of painful surgery or dental experience, migraine, cramps, broken bone (ok, I’ve only had broken toes but I’m pretty sure I would take a broken bone over puking anyday), I do pretty well with pain but if I get nauseous, I FREAK.
I’ve written about this before so it comes as no surprise to most of you but this year I have gone to extremes to avoid getting this strain of the Devil’s joy.
I have cancelled every event and appointment I had this month and into next month. I am staying home and not even buying “handmade” food such as Dominoes Pizza (my favorite food on this planet) or coffees or anything that anyone might have touched. I will not go into a grocery store and touch a cart (I cannot imagine the germs on those things). I will screen everyone who comes in to my house….if you already had the stomach flu and it went through your household and you are all fine now, you are welcome to come visit. If not, call me in March!
I have already warned my husband that if he gets it, one of us is leaving….if it were summer, I would live in my camper….I might actually stay in there if he does get it, I’d rather take my chances with frostbite then the flu. Having been hit last year with the norovirus that I got from my client, I have first hand knowledge how quick and violent this kind of stomach ailment can be. I went 58 years without getting it and I would like to make it another 58 years!
If I had the money, I would make myself a “Howard Hughes” room. Giant air-exchanger, stainless steel everywhere, a vat of bleach water, decontamination system, everything I could think of to be safe from the stomach flu.
Excessive? Sure but if you have a terrifying phobia of your own, you will understand. Snakes, no problem. Spiders, squish em. Clowns, creepy but I never go to the circus. Heights, I just don’t look down. Flying, that’s what drugs are for. Water, ok….that’s another fear but I can avoid lakes, rivers, swimming pools.
But how do you avoid germs???
You do what I am doing and PRAY a lot!!!!
And bleach everything touchable….
Good health to you all and stay away from me till this scourge is gone!
Your crazy Queen