Lost? Who? Me?

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J.R.R. Tolkien wrote, “NOT ALL WHO WANDER ARE LOST”

I beg to differ.

Never do I park my car and remember exactly where I parked it.  If you total up the number of hours I have spent wandering around parking lots and garages, it would add up to be years.  Years I could have spent doing something else….like cleaning my house….(as if that would ever have happened…hahaha…I kill myself)

Someone needs to take a day and just video people coming out of stores and looking for their cars.  As much as I love my sex, I would have to guess most women get that look of semi-panic when they try to remember which parking lane they are in.  Men don’t seem to have as much trouble as we do but neither do they have as much on their minds as we do.  A man goes into a store for three items and he comes out with three items.  Boom.  In and out.  A woman goes in for three items and hours later we come out with 26 other items, a new purse, some make-up, and three pieces of clothing that we couldn’t pass up because THEY WERE ON SALE and if we didn’t have a list of the three things we went in for, there is a distinct possibility we forgot to get them (what with so many things to look at and those dang CLEARANCE SALE banners, it’s no wonder we get distracted!) so as we are leaving the store our minds are fully engaged in three thoughts:

1. How did I possibly spend so much money?  I better check my receipt cause I know I must have been overcharged.

2. Should I go back in and get those matching pants, after all they are ON SALE!

3. How will I get all these packages into the house without being seen.

So where we parked the car is not a high priority in our brain space at that moment.

We schelp our carts up and down the lanes, trying not to look lost but just knowing some man who is in a car waiting for his wife is watching us with a look of wry humor.

I used to remotely start my car and sometimes that helped unless it was winter and half the cars in the lots were locked but left running.  I was always tempted to use the “panic” button so my car would call out to me but I was always more terrified of not being able to turn it off and then a crowd would gather and see my shame (but all the women would thank their lucky stars it didn’t happen to them because they, too, had thought about hitting that panic button!).

So sisters, the next time you see a woman wandering aimlessly around a parking lot, give her a big smile and a “thumbs up”.  She will appreciate that gesture of solidarity!

Till the morrow,

I remain your ever-wandering Queen

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