Games that are really made for Adults

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Ooooo, it’s been quite a while since I have had a good rant so after babysitting the Fearsome Foursome this past week for two days, I have much to rant about!

I am not a Grandma that likes playing house (I do not play house even when I have no grands here….I play, ” What do you mean, what’s for dinner?” and “How should I know if you have any clean underwear, I don’t wear it!” and my personal favorite, “If you see that it is dirty/dusty/scummy/cruddy, then clean it off, cause obviously either I can’t see it or I don’t really care!”) or rolling around on the floor (if I am on the floor, it can only mean that I fell and the words that are coming out of my mouth are not for the tiny, pure ears of my grands) but I do enjoy playing card games or board games…..for a time.

I picked up both Candy Land and Chutes and Ladders at a rummage sale to play with the kids and even though I should know better, after all I did work with preschoolers for ten years and you can not even begin to imagine how many games of Candy Land I have played in my life. When my own daughter was young, I was still smart and even before we played it for the first time, I took out those demon cards that send you either forward or backward because life is not long enough to play that game!

But I must be losing my senses, since I left those spawn of the devil cards in the game and proceeded to play with the 8, 6 and 4 year old plus allowing the 2 year old to have “turns” and a little gingerbread guy play piece which he proceeded to crash into everyone else’s little gingerbread guy on the board so we were forever trying to figure out which square they really belonged on. But it was early in the day and Grandma was pretty mellowed out…..

Now, my grands are pretty smart kids, but somehow they can never remember whose turn it is and so Gramma who can’t remember the 6 yr. old’s name and keeps calling her the 4 yr. old’s name EVERY SINGLE TIME, has to tell each one, each time, that it is their turn…..(if I had a dollar for every time I said, “okay Avril, I mean LOLA, it is your turn…I could fill my swimming pool full of the expensive kind of gin instead of that crap Seagrams…but I digress…).

After a rousing game of Candy Land that resulted in near tears, pouting, cheating and even the kids got frustrated with it, we moved on to Chutes and Ladders.

WARNING: DO NOT PLAY THIS GAME WITH CHILDREN WHO DO NOT UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF MOVING YOUR PERSON IN A MATHEMATICAL CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER. IF YOU DO NOT HEED THIS WARNING, DON’T COME CRYING TO ME WHEN YOU HIT THE BOTTLE. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED, PEOPLE.

And this game comes with a cardboard spinner….which is a device created to frustrate even the most nimble-handed folks but add chubby fingers and a lack of spinner experience and you have a game straight from the pit of hell itself. (I am pretty sure that the makers of children’s games are all Satanists and this is their way of recruiting sinners to their fold).

I think I must have a masochistic streak in me since I also play the card games: War, Go Fish, Old Maid, Crazy Eights, Memory (HA…how ironic…..I can’t remember my own granddaughter’s name let alone where the damn cow is hidden among 100 other animal cards) and Kings In A Corner. I cannot wait until they can add well enough to play cribbage, at least then there is a timely end to the game and I will only have to tell ONE child that it is their turn 100 times durning the game…..

Seriously….these games and plenty more (Connect Four….why don’t we just poke our eyes out so we don’t have to pretend we don’t see the child making the same moves over and over and over again and letting them win each time because we are grandparents not some soul-crushing monster…..) are in reality drinking games meant for adults.

Stay with me here…..how fun to play SORRY and every time you don’t get a 1 or a 2 to get out of START you get to take a drink….every time someone knocks you off the board and back to START, you get to take a drink; someone gets a SORRY card, they get to take a drink…..you can see where I am going with this……Candyland…get sent back to Sugar Swamp…yippee….take a drink…..have to fall down a Chute….every else gets to take a drink but not you…..hit a Ladder and you get to drink but no one else does…..

Oh my gosh, can you imagine the fun adults can have and they don’t even know it. Well, thanks to me and my mental health sacrifice of last week, you now have the knowledge….and you can thank me by sending me a bottle of the GOOD gin. It will get me through the next round of babysitting the Fearsome Foursome. (For those that are thinking, “Does she really drink when her grands are there?”….No, of course not…but the second they pull out of the driveway…..well, who knows……)

Oh what I don’t do for you people……

Your gin rummy Queen

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About thelumberjackandthegypsy

The lumberjack is my husband and he owns Arrowhead Wood Products; Arrowhead Toboggan and Snowshoe; and Lake Superior Furniture Co. and is the exclusive manufacturer of wood shutters for Summit Hill Shutter Co. The gypsy is me, and I have a passion for teaching people to tap into their creative side, even when they think they don't have one! I did not grow up creative or artsy and I was in my thirties before I started sewing and creating things. I am a rug hooker; artisan teddy bear maker; painter (from pictures to large pieces of furniture!); knitter; doll maker; needle-felter, repurposer; sewer; decorator; blogger; glamper; reader; vintage jewelry maker; junker; and now a shop owner. But the lumberjack and I feel our greatest gifts in this world are our four grandkids and our daughter and her husband and our relationship with Jesus Christ. We have been married for more than 33 years and most of that time we have lived out in the country on a hobby farm where we have raised chickens, turkeys, ducks, goats, pigs and beef cattle. We also homeschooled our only child for her entire school years. We lived out our dream of being like the The Little House on the Prairie and they were great times. I also have a personal blog: rantingsofamadqueen.wordpress.com where I tell stories of what life on the farm has been like and other things that pop up in my very weird mind. I prefer "quirky or eccentric" instead of weird (sounds more fascinating and less creepy)!

7 responses »

  1. My three year-old little likes to “play” Trouble with that little pop-o-matic bubble he can’t even make work. But every time – we must play HIS game. Sigh … He’s almost lost all of the pieces. Yippee!! There must be a drinking game for that one too?!?

    • I worked in daycare centers back in the seventies and early eighties so I am loaded with ideas to keep the grands happy. And I do try to make up games that the three oldest can do (8,6 and 4) and then give the 2 year old a job to do so he thinks he is involved but he usually gets bored after five minutes or so and goes back to playing with real toys. One of the funniest things I have ever seen was when my two oldest grands were having a race where they had to put a cotton ball between their knees and try to run and drop it into a bowl across the room and then run back and get another one and keep going until all 10 cotton balls were in the bowl and Zane, the two year old, grabs his crotch area and walks quickly to a bowl and squats down like he is dropping a cotton ball. Did I have my phone to record it??? NOOOOOO. Lord I love those kids!

  2. I played all of those with my son when he was younger and I never thought about that! I need to get some vodka and a few friends over! (I forgot to mention that alcohol is just fine on keto – beer has carbs though). 😀

  3. I’ve never heard of Candy Land, but your Shutes and Ladders sounds like our Snakes and Ladders and why on earth you agreed to play these games with young children is beyond me. 😀 I taught my step-kids to play chess, just so they could play against each other and leave me out of it. 😀 You have a loving heart and a masochistic soul.

    I’ve never heard of half of the cards games. I used to play Snap.!, Gin Rummy and something my darling boys called Shithead.. a card game not for the faint-hearted, it can get very boisterous. I once played a card game called Cowboys and Indians with my kids… (you throw the whole deck (or 2) up in the air and tell the kids they have to collect all the cards and put them in number and suit order. They learnt VERY quickly and wouldn’t play it again. 😦

    • Lex, I love that game where you drop the cards and they have to pick them up and put them in order! I had never heard of it before but you can be sure I will have the two oldest playing it next time they come over..they are pretty competitive with each other! Have you ever played, “Spoons”? It is played with a deck of cards and enough spoons for everyone less one. google it. It is a wild game that brings out the “real” person. I have seen super meek folks turn into monsters playing this game!!! Beware there is usually blood……

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