Monthly Archives: December 2019

WHAT IS A NUMBER ANYWAY?

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Today I turn 65. 65. Sixty~five. LXV. Three score and five. 6.5 decades.

I can’t believe it.

It just does not seem possible.

Where did my life go?

How does time go more quickly each passing year?

When did I get to be “old”?

When I look in the mirror, I see me. Not an “elderly” person. I see a few wrinkles around my eyes and some lines that were never there before.

But I do not see old.

I do not think old.

I do not act old.

I do not dress old.

My body sometimes feels old. Things don’t work like they used to. But I can still walk, dance, use my hands….my body can still get me to where I need to go without much effort.

But I am old on paper.

This is the last birthday I am going to celebrate. I do not need to know after today, how old I am.

If I can forget how old I am, will I stay young?

Can my mind trick my body into thinking it is decades younger or is my body on a different time line than my mind?

If I can truly forget how old I am, then when the effects of aging start for real, can I still think they will go away as they used to do?

Can I still hear the word elderly and think it does not pertain to me?

I wish my mind was on the same wave~length as my body for I think it would be easier for me if I thought “old”.

If my mind felt 65.

65…..65….it can not be real.

If you are reading this and you are 65 or older, are you also experiencing this shock and bewilderedness at not being just in your early 30’s?

How do/did you cope?

Age is just a number but unless you have short~term memory loss, no matter how hard you try, you are always going to know how old you are and with that knowledge comes the fear of growing old….to start losing parts of yourself….parts of your independence….parts of your physical beauty….parts of your mobility….parts of your memory….parts of your past…..to grow weaker in areas….to not be what you “used to” be….and perhaps the worst part….to start losing friends, neighbors and loved ones and to begin to wonder if tomorrow might be your last day.

Will I be here next Holiday season? Will my grands remember me or are they too young to fully remember me?

I think turning 65 is opening the door to a new and scary chapter toward the end of our life book. The beginning of the Winter of our life season.

It just seems unbelievable that I am here…..already.

I don’t think I am ready for this.

I feel like I am in an episode of the old Twilight Zone….a woman who goes to bed young and wakes up old.

I feel discombobulated.

I sure would like to hear how you are coping with this revelation of being classified as OLD while in your mind you are still like 33.

Did it hit you like a ton of bricks?

How are you coping?

Please comment as I need some encouragement or words of wisdom! As I am really knocked for a loop! (Another one of the sayings I grew up hearing but now makes no literal sense!)

Your Dowager Queen