Category Archives: ABC’S OF RANTING (SUMMER 2014 PROJECT)

THE QUEEN CREATES: PAINT-BY-NUMBER ART

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Ooooo, I can just hear some of you now….”Paint-by-number isn’t art”!   Nay, Nay, I say.

The term “Art” is subjective.  It means different things to different people.  It’s a noun that is by definition:  1. the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.  2.  the various branches of creative activity, such as painting, music, literature, and dance.

“TO LABOR IN THE ARTS FOR ANY REASON OTHER THAN LOVE IS PROSTITUTION”  Steven Pressfield

Oh man, can I relate to that.  I am always trying to figure out a way to make my “art” profitable instead of just loving the process.  I am not a keeper of what I make (usually) and so I try to just make stuff to sell.  Which does not make me happy.

“ART RESIDES IN THE QUALITY OF DOING: PROCESS IS NOT MAGIC.” Charles Eames

When I was trying to make a business out of mohair bear -making, I would get so discouraged by all the teddy bear “artists” who would insist that if you used any piece of someone else’s pattern, you could not call yourself an “artist” nor could you sell your piece as an “original”.   I do not have the kind of brain that can make a pattern (tho I did try once and made bears out of it called, “Butt-Ugly Bears”!) but I can take a pattern and “mutate” it so even it’s designer couldn’t tell it was theirs to begin with, but no matter what you did to it, you still could not call it an “original”.

“ART ENABLES US TO FIND OURSELVES AND LOSE OURSELVES AT THE SAME TIME”.  Thomas Merton

I did not grow up “artistic”.  I had no love of art or crafts.  I could not draw well as far as I knew.  I had zero interest in being “artsy-fartsy”.   My mom was very artistic and our home at Christmas had her handiwork on the windows and mirrors.  And I even recall her painting a huge tulip on the bathroom wall.  The only “art” I ever did was painting-by-number on velvet!  I had a boyfriend at the time that drove me crazy by saying he was coming to get me at 6:30 on Friday night and never show up!  I would hear on Monday at school how he was out doing this and that all weekend.  So to keep myself from having a breakdown when he would pull that crap, I would steal some of my mom’s Valium (the doc’s gave it out like candy in the late 60’s-70’s and my mom had it to cope with my dad having a heart attack at age 36) and take it and then sit and paint to get my mind off of what kind of fun he was having without me!)  It wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I discovered an artistic side to myself and I have been going great guns ever since!

“ART IS THE MOST INTENSE MODE OF INDIVIDUALISM THAT THE WORLD HAS KNOWN”.

I do not have any great artistic talent in any area that I have tried…yet!  But I keep trying new things because like everything else in my life I won’t know if I am any good at something if I don’t try it!   And if I suck at it, so be it.  It’s the “trying” that is important, not the outcome.

The older I get, the more courageous I get when it comes to “making art” be it in my hair choices (you do know I have multi-colored dreads, right?) or my home (such as painting my fabric furniture) or taking an old camper and gutting it out and not putting in a traditional sink/stove/cabinets and painting the outside by hand and doing crazy designs on it (not happened yet, waiting for the right weather).

I am energized by color.  I am excited by color.  I NEED color in my life like I need air and food.  I CRAVE color.  The brighter the better.  I have a book of photographs of galaxies taken by the Hubble Space Telescope and I can spend hours just enveloped in their beauty.  It does not surprise me that my God has created these.  I once read that God created color for no other purpose than to please us.  I am well pleased!

I guess it is now time to unveil my art…..

They are not yet “finished” but I was in a hurry to get this to “press” and so you will see the semi-before photos and then in the next couple of days, I will post the end results.  I have some “tweaking” to do on them to make them “mine”.

This first one, I changed a bunch of the colors as I was painting it as I wasn’t happy with how it looked and then in the second photo, I took waxing medium and blended a clear and a dark brown and rubbed it on the painting to give it more of an “old” look.  I had no idea if it would work out but if you don’t take risks in life (I am a real chicken in most areas of my life, believe it or not!!!) you will always be stagnant.  But it turned out as I had hoped and if you could feel it you would think it might be leather.  It has a really cool feel to it from the wax.  I am looking for an old frame to put it in and it will go down in my Cowboy theme livingroom!

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For some reason my Ipad has added weird lines to the second photo!  There are NO lines in the real painting.   But don’t you think the second painting is better “toned down”?

The next photo is of a painting that I am not quite sure how I am going to “tweak”.  I kinda like it as it is.  But I will put a protective, glossy finish on it since I am going to hang it in my bathroom and everything gets so dusty in there (and I can not figure out why…toilet paper fuzz????) so it will  be wiped down periodically so it needs a finish on it.

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And lastly, this tiny little piece that I picked up at Bargain Bills in Rice Lake, WI for a buck and a quarter.  It wasn’t numbered per se, but it had the paints but I added my own colors.  Sometimes between big projects I like to do something small to get immediate gratification!  I am going to add some “bling” to this and maybe some pompom fringe….who knows, I will just see what I have on hand.

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So now that I’ve shared a bit of what I am doing, what about you?   Do you have an artistic bend to your personality?   Or are you still stuck in the “I am not creative” rut?

I am hoping to start some Arsty-Fartsy classes at my house this fall and I promise you I can make you feel like a Picasso in just a day.   It’s all about attitude and honey child, you KNOW I am the Queen of Attitude!!!!

Till tomorrow when I show you some of my early stuff….

Your Queen of Farts…oops, I  mean Arts!!!!

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“Y” IS FOR YOU

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AS IN, “YOU WANT SOME CHEESE WITH THAT WHINE”?

Is it just me or have we become a society of whiners?

I do not remember my dad or my grandparents ever whining.  My dad would rant and complain about things (Ronald Reagan was blamed for every misfortune that befell anyone…no matter what it was!!!) But he never whined about his job or his situation.  My grandparents were seemingly grateful for everything they had for I’m sure there were times in their lives when they had much less.  It seems to me, the more we have the more we whine.

What really burns my buns is when Christians complain about something that they have prayed for, gotten and then decide that it isn’t all that they had thought it would be and so they whine about it.  It was better than what they had but in their minds it is not “perfect”.

I am not really a violent person but I tell ya, it makes me want to go up to them and slap them upside the head.  Do they not realize that it can be taken away from them as quickly as they had gotten it?   How do they think The Lord feels when He gave them what they asked for and now all He hears from them is whining?  Just think about how we feel when we give something wonderful to our children, that they have been begging us for, and once they get it, they tell you all the things they don’t like about it and wish that “this” was different and “that” was easier, etc.   I don’t know about you, but it makes me want to take the darn thing back and say, “There, now you don’t have to complain to me anymore about it”.

Lest you think I “walk on water” with a giant halo, nay…nay…I say.  I have done my share of whining (just ask my husband).  But as I get older and hopefully wiser, I see my blessings more clearly and have repented (and sometimes I gotta keep repenting) for whining about what is not how I would have it.

Open up your eyes, people.  Look around you.  See what God has blessed you with.  If you are a believer, shame on you for complaining for what God has given you.  If you trust in the perfect will of God, you are EXACTLY where you are supposed to be, doing EXACTLY what He wants you to be doing AT THIS VERY MOMENT.   He may move you at any second to completely different circumstances.  So be grateful now.

If you have a job that provides enough for you and your family, PRAISE God for it.  There are millions of people who would think they had died and gone to Heaven for a job like yours.   PRAISE Him for the hours you GET to work.  PRAISE Him for the money you get each payday and the insurance that you have and the other perks that come with your job.  STOP focusing on the “negatives”.  There is rarely a “perfect” job.

BLOOM WHERE YOU ARE PLANTED is an old adage that if you apply it to your life, will make you so much happier.

Ok, I’m going to step down now off my soapbox.   Next time you hear me whining about something, remind me of this post.   Crow is crow even with ketchup on it!

Till next time,

Your not-so-saintly Queen

“X” IS FOR XANTHIPPE”

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When I thought about writing for the letter, “X”, the most obvious things came to mind;  x-rays, x-rated, xylophone.  Most obvious and the only ones I could think of so I went and Googled words beginning with “x” and a list of  obscure words came up so today you are going to get a vocabulary lesson.   I promise it won’t be boring (at least no more boring than the rest of my posts!)

XANTHIPPE:  (looks like a hippie on Xanax to me)  “an ill-tempered woman”

XANTHOCOMIC (a comic on Xanax?) “yellow-haired”

XANTHOCYANOPSY (an invasive medical procedure where you are given Xanax to help you get high so you don’t mind them sticking something big into a place where no man has gone before?)  “form of color-blindness in which only blue and yellow are distinguished”   (how weird would that be???)

XANTHODONT: ( A dentist on Xanax?)  “one with yellow teeth”

XANTHOPSIA:  (A hallucination brought on by too much Xanax?)  “a visual condition where things appear yellowish”  (gee, I wasn’t too far off)

XANTHOUS:  (Can’t leave the house because you took too much Xanax?)   “yellow or red-haired”   (Seriously?  the same word for a blonde or a red-head?)

XENAGOGUE:  (a temple where they worship the warrior, Xena?)  “guide; someone who conducts strangers”

XENIAL:  (Denial said with a French accent?)    “of or concerning hospitality towards guests”

XENODOCHEIONOLOGY:  (Some kind of study of dry, dusty, old women?)   “love of hotels”    (WHO KNEW?)

XENOGENESIS:  (Some kind of mythology?)  ” generation of offspring entirely unlike the parent”  (well, duh, aren’t all offspring unlike their parents?  Much to our dismay!)

XENOMANCY: (Some kind of currency?)  “divination using strangers”  (so do you go up to a stranger, pick them up, turn them sideways and start looking for water?)

XENOMANIA:  (What happens when you don’t take your Xenolithium?)  “inordinate attachment to foreign things”  (so does that mean if you fall in love with a foreigner you have it?)

XENOMENIA:  (Some kind of obsession?)  “menstruation from abnormal orifices”  (ok, if its menstruation doesn’t that mean it comes out of only one place?  Any other place would be called, “bleeding”?????)

XENOPHILIA:  (A foreign type of hemophilia?)  “love of foreigners”   (but not an inordinate attachment?)

XENOPHOBIA:  (A fear of Xenos?)  “fear of foreigners”

XEROTIC:  (An X-rated film???)  “dry”   (Seriously?  that great of a word and it only means “dry”????)

XYLOPHILOUS:  (A type of STD?   “fond of wood; living in or on wood”  (not even gonna go there…..)

XYSTER:  (A lower form of a shyster?)   “surgeon’s instrument for scraping bones”

Well, there you go.  You are so much smarter now that just a few minutes ago.  I expect you to use these words in conversation.  There will be a test.

I think my new favorite word is XEROTIC, as in “The Queen has quite a XEROTIC wit about her”!

Wishing you an Xcellent day,

Queenie

“WHO, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN, WHY”

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Those five words are the basis for every good report.  But in my life they stand for:

WHO:  who am I calling?  who broke that glass?  who am I supposed to meet tomorrow?  who was that person?  who is coming over?  who left just a spit of milk in the jug?  who ate all the ice cream?

WHAT:  what did I come into this room for?  what was I saying?  what did I say I was going to write down so I wouldn’t forget?  what day is it?  what was I thinking?  what have I done to my hair now?  what else can I buy?  what did I do with that thing I was just using?

WHERE:  where am I going?  where did I put that?  where am I going to get the money to pay for that?  where are my glasses?  where did I hide that chocolate candy?  where was I supposed to be?

WHEN:  when am I going to fall asleep?  when I am going to start a diet?  when am I going to organize my crap room?  when I am going to start exercising?  when am I going to stop shopping on ebay?  when did I buy that?  when did I ever think I would be that small?  when am I going to get rid of all these craft supplies?  when is this house ever going to get clean?

WHY:  why did I shave my head?  why did I buy that?  why can’t I have more self-discipline?  why did I just say that?  why don’t I return phone calls?  why am I the way I am?  why don’t I have more energy?  why did I wear that?  why am I getting to be a hermit?  why do I spend so much time online?  why was I born beautiful instead of rich?

 

With love from:

WHO?  Queen Robyn

WHAT?  Another inane post

WHERE?  Live from Northfield 7 Farm, in downtown Burnett (which is no longer called Burnett since the Burnett Store and Post Office closed down back in the 80’s, but technically I don’t live in Culver, nor do I live in Saginaw but that is my zip code but my  land line phone has the Alborn exchange number…dang, no wonder I don’t know if I am coming or going….)

WHEN?  Practically at the crack of dawn for me….9:30am

WHY?  Ha!  That is the $64,000 question.  Why do I write?  Why do you read them?  I write because I am a self-centered egotist who thinks her life is worth writing about but what is your excuse for reading about my life?  LOL

Have a wonderful day.  It is already humid up here and I HATE it.  Time to shut windows and turn on the AC.  Am supposed to go to a grad party this afternoon but my car has no AC so depending on how hot it is, I may be a no show…..gee, how odd is that?  How many days left till Fall?????

 

“V” IS FOR VACCINATIONS

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I was wondering what I would rant about using the letter, “V” and then this came up on my FB page and my rant was born!

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I am one of those weirdos that DO NOT believe in vaccinations especially not for infants.  Not because of any religious reasons but because I don’t believe in injecting babies with stuff.  Their little immune systems are not designed to handle an onslaught of viruses (dead or alive).  I have read up on much of the research that has been available for the past 25 plus years so I am not just following some “right-wing” whackos.

My second cousin has his doctorate in Public Health and works for the CDC and he is CONVINCED his son got autism from vaccinations.  This man has the knowledge and resources to delve into stuff you and I don’t have a clue about and if he is sure of his findings, well, then who am I to disagree?

We stopped vaccinating our child at age 7.   Other than getting the chicken pox at age 25, she has been totally healthy as have all three of her unvaccinated children.

My fear is if this passes, what else will the government force us to do?   Do you not see how we are headed for a government-run society?  We have already given up so many of our rights to this corrupt and dishonest government we have (both parties are at fault here so I am not just picking on the this administration).

People…WAKE UP….I feel like we are all just a bunch of stupid sheep following one another to the cliff and leaping off because the sheep in front of us have leapt to their death and we just followed along.

Every time we give up a right, we are one step closer to having NO rights at all.

My big question on this vaccination mandate is this:  IF VACCINES WORK, THEN WHAT DOES THE VACCINATED PUBLIC HAVE TO FEAR FROM THOSE NOT VACCINATED?????  Am I right or not?   Think about it….

Your unvaccinated Queen

“U” IS FOR UNDERWEAR

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UNDERWEAR…..when you see that word, what is your first thought?  My generation and those before us will probably think this:

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I do not know if mother’s today tell their daughters, (did they ever tell sons this? Or did they just figure it was a losing battle with a boy?) to always make sure you have on clean underwear in case you get into an accident and have to go to the hospital, where on arrival the Underwear Police are called and before you are treated they check the status of your underwear.  If your underwear is deemed, “Unacceptable”, you will be denied help.  Even though I have yet to hear of someone being denied treatment because they had on ratty skivvies, it must be true or why would our mothers tell us this?

I once had the misfortune of having to go to the emergency room while in another city and I can tell you that one of my first thoughts besides, “Oh crap, I have not shaved my legs in a couple of weeks” and “Why did I color my hair Lemon Yellow”, was to wonder what condition my underwear was in.  Did you notice that the reason I was in the ER was not a major thought at this point?  How messed up is that?

 

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I was going to go into this big, long discussion of the evolution of Underwear, but then I thought, “Wait a minute…this isn’t a thesis for your Master’s Degree” so I will just comment on the above photo!  I am a fan of the 1950’s and so I wear the kind of panties shown above (TMI?).  When I was younger and not so fleshy (TMI burned into your mind?) I did venture into the 70-90’s and you can read about my adventure with “thong” underwear in my past post called, “Thongs, They Crack Me Up”….but I have settled into my “granny panties” very nicely, thank you very much.  Unfortunately, I am short-waisted (which my husband thinks I made up the term) and so my granny panties are up to my rib cage….perhaps I can call them “high-waisted” panties and be totally in fashion since I have seen that high-waisted pants and skirts and even swimsuit bottoms are in style today.   Geez, I was rockin’ that look for years…I am such a trend setter….I should have my own Fashion Blog….image

I don’t know if I have ever had a matching set of undies.  I figure if my bra is ripped or stained and so are my panties, I’m good to go.

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I HATE shopping for underwear.  I think it is the only thing on this earth I hate shopping for!  It’s because I can’t shop online for it.  Maybe if you are not “gifted” in the upper chest region, you can order the same size you normally wear and pretty much know it will fit.  Not us “big” girls.  We have to suffer the pain and humiliation of going into the Bra department and then spend 90 minutes looking at every bra, opening every box, decide if we want to torture ourselves with underwire devices or be wire free and have our girls be sitting on our waists.  Then we have to muster up the courage to take our 20 bras (the item limit does not count for bras in my opinion because I ain’t taking off my top and trying on 3 bras, putting my old bra back on, put my shirt back on, take all my stuff out of the fitting room and go back out to my cart and grab three more….I would rather be strip-searched once on my way out to be sure I ain’t stolen a bra) and try each and every one on.

How many of you will not take a bra in the dressing room that looks like someone else MIGHT have tried it on?  I would have to be pretty darn desperate to do that (unless of course, it was greatly discounted…hey, a penny saved……)

Now, I don’t know about you, but I NEVER, EVER, try on underpants.  That is just WRONG.  There should be a law that you can not try on underpants…there should be an alarm that goes off if someone tries to sneak a pair into the dressing room.  Ewwww..that just freaks me out….I try to buy mine in sealed packs….so I know ain’t no one else’s V-J been touching it….(sorry if I offended…but you are all thinking it)

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Now let’s talk about “Shape Wear”.   “Shape Wear” is Chinese for “Torture Garment”. Many, many years ago, when I was thin…I wore a Long-Legged  Panty Girdle.  It was made from some kind of industrial-strength material that took more energy and burned up more calories than running a marathon, to just get into.  (I wrote a true story about once when I had it on, under the title, My Life at the Bar).  Today they are called, “Spanx”.  How sexist is that?  I know a woman developed them and she is like the youngest female, self-made BILLIONAIRE in our country!  I have heard of movie stars wearing two and three pairs of this stuff under their dresses.  I wonder how they breath, or sit, or Lord help us, how they pee?image

Typical piece of Spanx….seriously?  If I was that thin to begin with, why on earth would I kill myself to look 3# thinner?   Lemme see a big girl in that.  We ladies of size need ones to come down to below our knees, cause no where in the pages of Vogue do I see fashions where Thigh-Fat is popular.  And when is someone gonna come up with, “Arm Spanx”…flesh colored bands to wear so your arm flap doesn’t cause changes in the wind flow or bruise anyone when you wave your arm.  If I was more ambitious (aka…not so lazy), I would develop it and become the Oldest, Female, Self-made Billionaire!

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I know that Madonna made wearing underwear “outside” of your clothing popular back in the 1980’s but come on folks…these ladies are gonna get sunburned…but please take note WHERE the waists of these garments are….OH YA…I am soooo ahead of my time!

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When I first saw this picture, I thought it was those panties that have the padding in the butt (what moron thought of that?  Most of us want LESS butt, not more).  Then I realized it was an upside-down strapless bra.   How many of you gals have ever had the pleasure of trying to keep the girls contained in one of these?  Is it just me or does everyone end up with them somewhere around your waist by the end of the night.  Somethings are just not meant to happen and keeping the girls perky without the help of massive straps is never a good idea.image

Is this still a fashion look?  I never could understand the lure of having your underwear show.  Back in my day…(yup, I am “officially” old now), having a piece of your undergarments show was so embarrassing!  You would run to someone if their slip was showing the least little bit and whisper in their ear and they would flee as fast as they could to the restroom to fix it.  I cannot tell you how many times I had a safety pin attached to my bra strap and pinned to my shirt so a strap wouldn’t accidentally show!  In looking for these little cartoons on Pinterest, I came across so many photos of real people IN STORES or fastfood places in just pieces of their underwear!!!!  I’m not talking just a hint of thong or tidy-whitey….I’m talking nothing else on but the undies.   WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

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Part of my job as a homemaker/companion is doing other folk’s laundry.  People sure do like their underwear folded in a certain manner.  I figure if I just lob mine in the direction of my underwear shelf, that is close enough.  My hubs likes his folded, “Just So” and often after I have folded it and put it on his shelf (we do not have dressers, just a big armoire with shelves) I will see he has re-folded it.  I cannot see what the difference is….as long as it is clean, does it matter how it is folded?   I need to hear what you have to say about this!

And lastly, this lovely little gem….

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If I had a dollar for everytime I have put on my panties (and I am so sorry to admit, my bra) inside out, I would be the richest woman on earth.  Most of my undies are black with black “you-know-what” inside, and I can not see worth a darn without my cheaters and I really need Tri-focals because there is a certain distance that I can not see no matter which pair of glasses I put on, so when I get dressed in the morning, I think I have on my undies right, it is only later in the day when I am sitting on my throne, do I realize that, yup, once again, they are on inside out.  Rarely do I put them on backwards, but it has happened.

I wonder what would happen if I was in an accident and had my underwear on backwards AND inside out?   I bet the Underwear Police would think they were doing me a favor by letting me die, since I must be so senile that I don’t know which way is up!

Your Queen of TMI

 

“T” IS FOR TEMPTATION

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TEMPTATION:  the desire to perform an action that one may enjoy immediately or in the short term but will probably later regret for various reasons

Oh boy, can I relate to that….

I am a weak sister….I have very little resolve when it comes to giving in to temptation.image

I am an “all or nothing”, “what’s the worst that can happen”, “you gotta die sometime”, “it’s only money/hair”, “buy today, worry about paying for it later”, kind of gal.

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Temptation and I are old friends.   Sometimes we are even best friends.  We have a very volatile relationship.  I know that being friends with it will only harm me but it sings it’s siren song and I listen and does what it tells me to do.  Now, I am not talking illegal, immoral, or salvation stealing stuff.  I am talking personal issues that can on occasion,  even affect my family.

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There is a saying I once read that goes, “There are three parts to sin: temptation; hesitation; participation.”

It is not bad to be tempted.  We are tempted daily in some way, shape or form.  The problem starts when we hesitate or begin to imagine what it might be like to give in to that particular tempting thought.  At this point is where self-control and self-discipline come in.  Two character traits I am very weak in.  image

I have to completely stay away from my “tempters”…those places and things and areas that I know I am weak-willed in.  As I mentioned before, I am an “all or nothing” gal.

If my tempter is shopping, then I have to not surf the internet and especially not surf Ebay.  I love ebay.  I would rather spend the day surfing Ebay than a day at the Mega Mall.  If the only way I could spend money was to physically go out and go into a store then I probably would save thousands of dollars every year.

Same would hold true with eating.  If I forced myself to only eat IN a food joint, I would be much thinner as I really don’t go INTO restaurants very often.  I am a drive-thru, eat in my car, kinda gal.  (I must admit, since I no longer work and have to be in town, I don’t have the opportunity to eat out nearly as much as the closest place is still a good 20 minutes away!)  And praise The Lord, no one delivers pizza out in the Boonies.

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What about you?  How do you overcome temptations?  Want to share what your “tempters” are?

As for me, I really need to work on my self-discipline.  I have HUGE issues with authority (my husband is reading this and saying, “OH YA THINK?”) that stem from childhood and even though I can see that and know that a certain amount of self-discipline is good and healthy, I bristle at the thought that I can’t/shouldn’t do whatever the heck I want.  Ya, I know.  Major issues.

But my famous motto is:  “I’m not dead yet”.  So there is hope for me…

Please share your thoughts with me.  I love hearing from you.  I know I am not alone in this struggle and you know that “misery loves company”!

Love from your reckless Queen