I never asked for this power. If given a choice, I would have chosen reading minds as my power and then my marriage would be so much easier. But no one asked me. One day it just showed up. At first, I thought it was a weird snafu but as time went on and more and more things started to happen, I occurred to me that this indeed was my super power.
This past weekend I had the power to make my new (new to us…2006) SUV go all postal and start to make sounds I can only assume were mating calls. I had only driven it that day and I had no idea of the bells and whistles (literally) it had on it. All I wanted to do was use the fobby-thing to lock my door. It seemed simple enough. There was a typical Yale lock icon and below it an unlocked Yale lock button so I gathered up all my knowledge of 63 plus years and pressed the button expecting the door to lock and maybe a shy, little, beep to follow, letting me know, it indeed was locked. Well ya’ll can imagine my surprise when she started to hoop and holler and the lights were all a’blinkin…dang near gave me a heart attack. So I looked on the back of the fobby-thing and there was a red PANIC button and since I was panicked, I pushed it thinking it would stop all this caterwauling….nay, nay….it just added more noises to the mix. So I thought maybe it was voice activated, so I start yelling, “STOP< STOP<NO<NO” but it must not be the right thing to say since it did not stop it. SO I did what any person in their right minds would do…I started hitting every button on the fobby-thing and one of them made it shut up…..UNTIL I went to try the door and the stupid noise started again. So I pressed more buttons until it stopped and then said the heck with it cause by now my blood pressure was sky high. Five days later and I still haven’t had the courage to try it again.
My power has now affected my WiFi device. Until two weeks ago, it was working just fine on my newer ipad and POOF just like that, my power leaked out of me and I no longer have my WiFi connection. My ipad refuses to believe that I know the right password for the little device that brings all that lovely internet service to it. I keep putting in the right password, and it keeps rejecting me. It is making me drink more. But on the bright side of this, my old ipad is up and running on WiFi like a champ….figure that one out if you will.
Today I took myself to Best Buy to find out how long a sales person could handle me and my power before passing me off to someone else. I went through three people. It might be a personal record for me.
Two lovely young women were so helpful (one was on her first day in Mobile….she may have gone back to Customer Service….)I explained to them that I wanted a new phone but nothing fancy and I wanted unlimited data so I could watch movies, etc. on my ipad since we only have free tv at the house and I am getting way too familiar with how to kill people since I usually only watch ION Television. And I wanted to be taken off my husband’s phone plan since we have half of Texas on it and the Mister keeps telling me I AM using up all the data. But before they can set me up with the phone I was told I should get (A big shout out to my cousin’s wife for taking the time to talk to me last weekend about phones…Thanks Fish!) I had to go and screw up the rep from Apple with my tales of how my power messed up the WiFi at the house. He told me to do what I had already tried and was kerfluffled at why it would do what it did. He blamed it on the “Hot spot thingy” we have at home since it would connect to the Best Buy wifi. So I am still without wifi…..I think…..
So once we got everything sorted out, one of the ladies asked me if I want all my info from my old phone on my new phone. I was shocked that they could do that since my old phone is really old but she reassured me that she could do it so after 45 minutes it was done and another person came over and he was doing whatever he needed to do to make it work and he asked me for my password. I looked at the phone and my power had made it ask for the OLD password from the OLD email address I had had years ago and who in the heck can remember passwords from then? I told him I had no idea what it was since it was back from years ago and then my powers shot from my mouth to the phone and locked it up so it would not do anything. Nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch. And all I could do was laugh because THIS IS MY FREAKIN’ LIFE people. Doesn’t matter what it is….if it is electrical, it gets screwed up by my freakish energy field. He had to take it over the the Apple Rep to see if he could figure it out. When he came back with a look of bewilderment on his face, I told him to just delete EVERYTHING that had come from my old phone. I would manually add back my contacts, etc. I was terrified I was going to leave the store with a faulty phone. I can be bold but not when it comes to technology. I do not understand it one iota so to argue with someone over something techie is so out of my league. But he was able to clear everything and now I have a brand spanking new (it is an iphone SE which is just after the 6 so I am still way behind) but as long as I can take photos and post to facebook and Instagram and watch movies on my ipad, I will be a happy camper. We will see……
I had to pay for the phone and the case so they rang me up and I wrote a check….and they processed it and it came back DENIED. WHAT THE HECK? I had just deposited a chunk of cash and gotten the slip with my balance on it and I knew unless I had left my body and flew to Amazon Headquarters and bought a bunch of stuff, there was a ton (okay, not a Khardashian ton, but a ton for “all I have is my old age money” me) of money in my account. How can I be out of money? So I gave them my debit card and it only had enough money for part of the payment. WHAT IS HAPPENING? I was mortified. Thankfully, I had some cash so I was able to purchase my phone and case but I was so confused over why my money was not available. Was my power that strong that is could break Best Buy’s cash register? (I have broken brand new giant moving dental x-ray machines so I suppose it was possible.). I was so befuddled that I drove to my next appointment in a haze and what should have been an in and out situation, was delayed by the guy in the office being out and the other man trying to call him and my agent not answering his phone and no one knew quite what to do. They finally decided that I could take the policy and if the agent needed more information he could call me (tho, I am not sure if I gave them my new number correctly….I had just had my phone for less than 30 min and I had not written down the new number because “I’ll remember it”……..)
Fast trip up to Michaels, where when I went to check out and they asked if I was in their rewards program and I said I thought I was, they checked both my old numbers and of course, I was NOT so I gave them my NEW cell phone number and they said that that number was already in their system!!!! OH DEAR GOD….all I wanted to do was rush home and have a bean burrito and a BIG adult beverage and watch a movie on my ipad with the unlimited data and not think about my super power anymore today. I can see why Peter Parker wanted to chuck all his Spidey stuff and just be normal. This Super Power crap is for the birds………
I want to go back to the “Dark Ages” where phones had cords, cash registers only had numbers, radios were only AM/FM, TV’s had four channels and a remote that only had ON/OFF and Volume and Channels controls and you put records on the HiFi and we only dreamt about phones where you could see people on them……..
Queen who longs for the “good old days”